Whether it’s because of personal problems, bad film choices, laziness or possibly an over-estimation of their talent level in the first place we all know actors who once had a brilliant career but seem to have squandered their potential. Here are ten of the ones I have found the most disappointing. Read more…
A while ago someone did a post on 10 directors who changed their view of the world… or something like that. I can’t find the post or remember who it was… because I am crap but I really liked the post and I wanted to do one for myself. I have to admit that I only started really noticing directors relatively recently and having not had any kind of education in film studies I operate pretty much on instinct alone. That means my choices are potentially a bit different from what people might expect and also don’t necessarily include a lot of directors that are considered to be classically great. And you’ll also soon realise that I am a big fan of aesthetics. But here goes anyway and if you were the person who did the original post and read this please do tell me so that I can give you a credit and link. Read more…
With season five of Game of Thrones now behind us I have gotten to thinking about some characters who appear to have simply vanished. I realise JRR Martin has chucked about a billion characters into the mix and we can’t stick with all of them but some of these are quite major players whose fates remain a mystery to us. Are they lost forever or will they reappear in season six? I guess only time will tell… but please remember before you read any further. Here be…
This week is Pride Week in London, celebrating the achievements and providing a platform for the whole local LGBT . community. Every year the Pride activities culminate in a parade through London’s West End and it’s an amazingly colourful, vibrant and moving thing to behold and join in on whether you’re a member of the community or not. While many laws around the LGBT community have changed and are changing there are still a lot of social norms that need to change to provide genuine lived equality. Personally I think one of television and films’ most powerful positives is its ability to expose people to things they might not be used to and normalise them. While 20 years ago LGBT characters where almost unheard of more and more strong and interesting characters are making their way onto our screens and I’d like to believe that that’s had a lot of influence over changing attitudes. With that in mind and to show my support I bring you 10 great LGBT TV characters. Read more…
Last month we had great TV moms in honour of mother’s day so of course today we’re honouring all the amazing dads out there on father’s day with a post about great TV dads. I am lucky to have two awesome dads in my life – my own father, Jules and my father-in-law, Alan who are both great role models while also being an enormous amount of fun. Happy father’s day to both of you and all the other great dads out there. Read more…
After the success of my post about female movie characters who kick ass I decided to follow up with a TV version since TV has also given us some pretty tough female characters although I would argue that we definitely need loads more. Again I am focusing on characters who physically kick ass. Read more…
After my post a couple of weeks ago about excellent ginger actors, I got a request from Vinnieh for a similar actress post. Fortunately there are plenty of excellent ginger actresses because, like I mentioned before, gingers are cool so here are my favourites. Read more…
There are loads of roles out there for male characters that are seriously kick ass – from Bond (*vom*) to Indiana Jones, Luke Skywalker and about 40 different superheroes tough male characters with serious fighting skills are dime a dozen. The same cannot be said for female characters. For some reason Hollywood seems to think we don’t want to see chicks kick ass (we do). So in the hope of inspiring all the big time producers who obviously read this blog I am bringing you a list my my favourite kick ass chicks. For the purposes of this list I am specifically featuring characters who physically kick ass. Read more…
In the past I have highlighted my favourite blue eyed actors and my favourite brown eyed actors but this time I am going a bit more controversial with m y favourite red-headed actors. For some reason the world seems to think that men with red-hair are somehow less cool. Personally I say bollocks to that (and not just because I dye my own hair red). I think red hair symbolises passion and fire and who doesn’t want that? From strawberry blonde to deep auburn red rocks, I love a bit of ginge… especially on these guys. Read more…
Inspired by Cara’s recent posts about her favourite Superhero Movies on Silver Screen Serenade, which you can read here and here, I have decided to talk about my own favourite Superhero movies. I feel like this post might be a little contentious since it features exactly zero Christopher Nolan Batman movies (there is only one Batman and his name is MICHAEL KEATON) and three X-Men movies and two movies about people who don’t actually have any powers (but then neither do Batman or Black Widow) and one about people with powers who aren’t actually heroes… but here goes anyway! Read more…
Having grown up in a large country with vast interior and a very limited public transport system, the road trip was a mainstay of my life from when I was very small. My grandparents lived at the seaside ten hours drive from my home town Johannesburg, which meant the whole family made the trip by car at least once a year. I applaud my parents for doing this since a car journey of that length (especially in our Renault 5 in the 80’s – a car no larger than a Fiat Punto) can’t have been that much fun with two kids under five. When I got older I went on numerous holidays with friends that involved a road trip on the way there and on the way back. Even now although I don’t drive myself, the idea of hopping into a car and heading out into the open road is something that fills me with a little frisson of excitement. I don’t think I am the only one since the road trip movie is a bit of a Hollywood staple. Here are some that I love.
So tomorrow is the season premier of what is possibly the greatest show ever made, RuPaul’s Drag Race. I only discovered this incredible reality show about three months ago but I am already on my second viewing of the first six seasons. I am not sure what it is about watching a group of fieeeeeeeeerce drag queens compete against each other that is so fabulous but it just is and it’s reminded me that I really kind of wish that I could be a drag queen – curse actually being born as a woman instead of getting to be a man dressed as a woman. Anyway not all queens are created equal and these are my most loved from the six seasons so far.
Yara Sofia
Season: 3
Placed: 4th
This little Puerto Rican pocket rocket is as mad as a bag of frogs and as fishy as well a kettle of fish!
Catchphrase: Echa pa’lante!
Sharon Needles
Season: 4
Placed: Won
Sharon took flack from some of the other girls for being too, weird and out there but I loved her unique take on drag.
Catchphrase: When in doubt, freak ’em out.
“I have ‘dignity’ looks and ‘paycheck’ looks. Dignity is when I will not bend, for anyone. I don’t care if I make a dollar, I’m doin what I’m doin. Then there’s times the electric’s about to shut off so I dress up like Lady GaGa.”
Shangela Laquifa Wadley
Season: 2/3
Placed: Last (season 2), 6th (season 3)
Shangela crashed and burned in season 2 but she came back and proved everyone wrong in season 3.
Catchphrase: Halleloo!
“They attacked me with knives. I don’t attack with knives. I attack with strategy.”
Raven
Season: 2
Placed: Second
Raven is as cool as a cucumber and takes no shit from anybody.
“I think I can sell ice to an Eskimo, but, not dressed as a fucking chicken.”
Manila Luzon
Season: 3
Placed: Second
I loved Manila’s zany comedy and her willingness to push the envelope.
Catchphrase: WERK!
“Oh, I’m so glad you covered up your face.”
Latrice Royale
Season: 4
Placed: 4th
This ex-con is the last person you’d ever imagine would look good in a dress but damn she was fierce!
Catchphrase: Eat it!
“She is large and in charge, chunky, yet funky. Bold and Beautiful baby.”
Jujubee
Season: 2
Placed: 3rd
Jujubee was both fierce and hilarious and she always looked gorgeous.
Catchphrase: Do you catch my drift?
“Tyra, she believes she’s Beyonce. And she doesn’t want to hurt Beyonce’s feelings because somehow Beyonce pays her bills.”
Jinkx Monsoon
Season: 5
Placed: Won
Jinkx was an underdog throughout but her incredible comic timing made her a force to be reckoned with and she was so damn charming.
Catchphrase: Water off a duck’s back.
“I tried to tease it but I just pissed it off”
Bianca Del Rio
Season: 6
Placed: Won
Bianca’s lightning quick wit meant she had the best oneliners but she also proved regularly that she had a heart of gold.
Catchphrase: Baloney!
“Calm Down, Beyonce!
Adore Delano
Season: 6
Placed: 2nd
Adore was just so incredibly cute and dumb and vulnerable. I just wanted to hug her all the time.
Catchphrase: Party!
“I’m from Azusa. I’ll stab a bitch.”
Recently I have become a bit obsessed with The Bridge, a Swedish/Danish crime series that features a detective called Saga Noren, who may or may not have Asperger’s syndrome and is able to see connections that no one else can… but she’s also a bit of a social challenge. Watching Saga’s unusual behaviour onscreen made me think of some other genius characters I love who have… issues… and so this rather unusual list was born.
Sherlock Holmes
Played by: Benedict Cumberbatch
Show: Sherlock (2010 – )
Area of genius: Photographic memory, abilities of deduction
Flaws: Using others for his own purposes, destructive behaviour when bored, reveling in any crime he finds entertaining, complete lack of tact
“Sherlock Holmes: Dear God, what is it like in your funny little brains? It must be so boring!”
Dr Sheldon Cooper
Played by: Jim Parsons
Show: The Big Bang Theory (2007 – )
Area of genius: Physics
Flaws: Seeing himself as the centre of the universe and demanding that everyone else comply
“Sheldon: But then some poor woman is going to pin her hopes on my sperm, what if she winds up with a toddler that doesn’t know if he should use an integral or a differential to solve for the area under a curve?
Leonard: I’m sure she’ll still love him.
Sheldon: I wouldn’t.”
Seven of Nine
Played by: Jeri Ryan
Show: Star Trek: Voyager (1995 – 2001)
Area of genius: Astrophysics
Flaws: Relating to others, being overly literal
“B’Elanna Torres: [reading Seven’s study of her and Tom from a PADD] ‘Stardate 52647, 1400 hours: Subjects quarrel in corridor outside female’s quarters. Male returns with twelve flowering plant stems, species rosa rubifolia, effecting a cessation of hostilities. Stardate 52648, 0300 hours: Intimate relations resume.’ – How the hell do you know when we’re having intimate relations?
Seven of Nine: There is no one on deck nine, section twelve, who *doesn’t* know when you’re having intimate relations.”
Saga Noren
Played by: Sofia Helin
Show: The Bridge (2011 – )
Area of genius: Making connections between events
Flaws: Saying everything that pops into her head, ignoring social norms, being overly literal
“Saga Noren: Very few women fantisise about small penises.”
Dr Spencer Reid
Played by: Matthew Gray Gubler
Show: Criminal Minds (2005 – )
Area of genius: Photographic memory, making connections between things
Flaws: Making connections with others, being overly literal
“Special Agent Derek Morgan: So tell me, what does keep young Dr. Reid awake at night? Wait, let me guess. Memorizing some obscure textbook? No, no, no. Working on cold fusion? No, I got it, I got it, I got it. Watching Star Trek and laughing at all the physics mistakes?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Actually, there aren’t that many scientific errors in Star Trek, especially considering how long ago it was made. There are certain improbabilities, but not that many outright errors.
Special Agent Derek Morgan: Right.”
Dr Gregory House
Played by: Hugh Lawrie
Show: House M.D. (2005 – 2012)
Area of genius: Medical diagnoses
Flaws: Lack of empathy for anyone, excessive drug use
“Dr. James Wilson: Your real fear is me having a good relationship.
Dr. Gregory House: Yes, it keeps me up at night. That and the Loch Ness Monster, global warming, evolution, other fictional concepts.”
Floki
Played by: Gustaf Skarsgård
Show: Vikings (2012 – )
Area of genius: Boat building and just generally being ahead of his time
Flaws: Being away with the fairies, talking in riddles, taking crazy risks.
“King Horik: Floki, you have betrayed the gods.
Floki: No, King Horik. I only betrayed you.”
Walter White
Played by: Bryan Cranston
Show: Breaking Bad (2008 – 2013)
Area of genius: Chemistry
Flaws: No knowing when to stop, egomania
“Declan: Who the hell are you?
Walter White: You know. You all know exactly who I am. Say my name.
Declan: Do what? I don’t… I don’t have a damn clue who the hell you are.
Walter White: Yeah, you do. I’m the cook. I’m the man who killed Gus Fring.
Declan: Bullshit. Cartel got Fring.
Walter White: Are you sure?
[Declan looks at Mike and Mike shakes his head]
Walter White: That’s right. Now, say my name.
Declan: [quietly] Heisenberg.
Walter White: You’re goddamn right.”
Carrie Mathison
Played by: Clare Danes
Show: Homeland (2011 – )
Area of genius: Intuition, making connections
Flaws: Mania, general lack professionalism, not knowing when to stop
“Carrie Mathison: [Saul and Estes question the validity of an asset’s intel] It’s not lost on me why people don’t trust my judgment. Why you didn’t even want me here.
Saul Berenson: Carrie…
Carrie Mathison: It’s not fair, I know, for you to have to be the one to decide.
[Carrie starts to cry]
Carrie Mathison: It fucked me up, Saul. Being wrong about Brody, it really… it fucked me up. Because I have never been so sure… and so wrong. And it’s that fact that I still can’t get my head around. It makes me unable to trust my own thoughts. Every time I think I see something clearly now… it just disappears.
[Carrie takes a moment to calm down]
Carrie Mathison: We have a chance to get Abu Nazir.
Saul Berenson: I know you want to think that. I won’t risk American lives on a hunch.
Carrie Mathison: And I would not ask you to. I recruited her, Saul, right here in this city. And it’s been eight years. I know… I know a lot of things can change. But I helped her through an abusive domestic situation. I practically saved her life. And I remember… I remember knowing at the time… that one day… she would be ready to leave here… and when that time came, she would be on my side. Look, the… the way I am now, I wouldn’t trust me, either. But the Carrie who recruited her… that one I believe. “
Maurice Moss
Played by: Richard Ayoade
Show: The IT Crowd (2006 – 2013)
Area of genius: Inventions
Flaws: Inability to actually take care of humself, understanding social conventions
“Moss: I wanna go back to being weird. I like being weird. Weird’s all I got. That, and my sweet sweet style.”
So as 2014 has drawn to a cinematic close, it’s time to start looking ahead to 2015 and what movie treasures might are awaiting us. After doing a bit of research I have picked these ten as the ones I am most looking forward to. All release dates are tentative and based on US release dates and synopses are from IMDB.
Still Alice
Starring: Julianne Moore, Kristen Stewart, Shane McRae
Alice Howland, happily married with three grown children, is a renowned linguistics professor who starts to forget words. When she receives a devastating diagnosis, Alice and her family find their bonds tested.
Why am I excited?: I am a big Julianne Moore fan, plus the fear of losing yourself is a universal one.
What’s the danger?: It’s been called overly simple.
Release date: 16 January 2015
Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens
Starring: Harrison Ford, Andy Serkis, Oscar Isaac
A continuation of the saga created by George Lucas set thirty years after Star Wars: Episode VI – Return of the Jedi(1983).
Why I am I excited?: Because it’s fucking Star Wars, plus J.J. Abrams, plus original cast, plus awesome new cast
What’s the danger: Well… the most recent three were pretty crap so it could go either way
Release date: 18 December 2015
Minions
Starring (voice actors): Chris Renaud, Pierre Coffin, Sandra Bullock
Minions Stuart, Kevin and Bob are recruited by Scarlet Overkill, a super-villain who, alongside her inventor husband Herb, hatches a plot to take over the world.
Why am I excited?: Because it’s a Minions origins story and nothing cracks me up like the Minions
What’s the danger?: It’s always possible to have too much of a good thing and a whole movie of Minions might be too much even for me
Release date: 10 July 2015
Mad Max: Fury Road
Starring: Tom Hardy, Charlize Theron, Nicholas Hoult
An apocalyptic story set in the furthest reaches of our planet, in a stark desert landscape where humanity is broken, and almost everyone is crazed fighting for the necessities of life.
Why am I excited?: Because Mad Max 2 was one of my favourite dystopian movies of all time. Also Tom Hardy.
What’s the danger?: Mad Max and Mad Max 3 were both awful. Also Charlize Theron.
Release date: 15 May 2015
Jupiter Ascending
Starring: Channing Tatum, Mila Kunis, Eddie Redmayne
In the future, a young destitute human woman gets targeted for assassination by the Queen of the Universe, and begins her destiny to finish the Queen’s reign.
Why am I excited: It’s written and directed by the Wachowskis, so if it’s anything like the first two Matrix movies, it’ll be awesome.
What’s the danger?: It’s written and directed by the Wachowskis, so if it’s anything like the third Matrix movie, it’ll be terrible.
Release date: 6 February 2015
The Hunger Games: Mockingjay – Part 2
Starring: Jennifer Lawrence, Liam Hemsworth, Josh Hutcherson
After being symbolized as the ‘Mockingjay’ Katniss Everdeen and District 13 engage in an all-out revolution against the autocratic Capitol.
Why am I excited?: I love watching J-Law play Katniss plus this is the action-packed finale we’ve all been waiting for.
What’s the danger?: The final book was the worst of the lot so the source material isn’t the best.
Release date: 20 November 2015
In the Heart of the Sea
Starring: Chris Hemsworth, Cillian Murphy, Brendan Gleeson
Based on the 1820 event, a whaling ship is preyed upon by a sperm whale, stranding its crew at sea for 90 days, thousands of miles from home.
Why am I excited: The cast is excellent and the stills look epic.
What’s the danger?: It could be a really tough watch… apparently there’s cannibalism
Release date: 13 March 2015
Crimson Peak
Starring: Charlie Hunnam, Jessica Chastain, Tom Hiddleston, Mia Wasikowska
In the aftermath of a family tragedy, an aspiring author is torn between love for her childhood friend and the temptation of a mysterious outsider. Trying to escape the ghosts of her past, she is swept away to a house that breathes, bleeds…and remembers.
Why am I excited?: Look at that cast! Plus it’s written and directed by Guillermo del Toro and I love his aesthetic.
What’s the danger?: Some of del Toro’s most recent films haven’t been amazing and I don’t really like horror movies.
Release date: 16 October 2015
Child 44
Starring: Tom Hardy, Noomi Rapace, Gary Oldman
Set in Stalin-era Soviet Union, a disgraced MGB agent is dispatched to investigate a series of child murders — a case that begins to connect with the very top of party leadership.
Why am I excited?: The premise sounds very interesting, plus Tom Hardy.
What’s the danger?: Any Hollywood depiction of the Soviet Union is always going to be a gamble
Release date: 17 April 2015
Avengers: Age of Ultron
Starring: Robert Downey Jr., Chris Evans, Mark Ruffalo
When Tony Stark tries to jumpstart a dormant peacekeeping program, things go awry and it is up to the Avengers to stop the villainous Ultron from enacting his terrible plans.
Why am I excited?: I really liked the first Avengers movie. Also more Loki and more Thor.
What’s the danger?: I am a bit sick of Tony Stark and I have general Superhero movie fatigue.
Release date: 1 May 2o15
I stole this idea of Table Nine Mutant over at Cinema Parrot Disco. I watched some great movies outside of the theatre in 2014 and I wanted to celebrate those too. For the sake of this post I have stuck to movies I hadn’t seen before this year otherwise it would have just been a long list of old favourites.
What Maisie Knew (2012)
Starring: Onata Aprile, Alexander Skarsgård, Julianne Moore
From my review:
Although this film ends on a positive note I was left with a sinking feeling, wondering just what would actually happen to Maisie in the future when one of her obviously petty parents decided to exercise their parental rights… and I can’t stop thinking about it… which is clearly the sign of a good film. The four lead adult performances are all excellent but it is Aprile who steals every scene she is in. A star in the making.
“Lincoln: I’m her… sorta… like… Maisie’s stepfather.”
Sightseers (2012)
Starring: Alice Lowe, Steve Oram, Eileen Davis
From my review:
It’s as much about Chris and Tina’s brutal kills, as it is about the minutiae of their burgeoning relationship and their weird personalities and I couldn’t quite decide if Chris was perfect for Tina or the worst thing that had ever happened to her. Whatever you end up focusing on, I can tell you that hubby and I laughed out loud all the way through.
“Chris: So what were you like when you were a little kid, then?
Tina: Unhappy.
Chris: You didn’t like school? I know, nor me.
Tina: What were you like at school, Chris?
Chris: I wasn’t like anything. I was, like, invisible.
Tina: What about you being ginger?
Chris: Well, that’s a problem, yeah.
Tina: That’s not invisible, is it?
Chris: No, but I wanted to be.”
Prisoners (2013)
Starring: Jake Gyllenhaal, Paul Dano, Hugh Jackman
From my review:
This film keeps you guessing until the very end. I changed my mind about what was actually going on and who was responsible about twenty times throughout and I was still wrong. There are excellent performances from Gyllenhaal, who portrays Loki as a man teetering on the edge between following the rules and losing his temper, Jackman, who steals the show as a man who will do anything to get his daughter back – even if it destroys him as well as Dano, who manages to be both incredibly creepy and incredibly pathetic as Alex.
“Keller Dover: He stays in custody till my daughter is found right? Right?
Detective Loki: We have a 48-hour hold on him. It ends tomorrow unless we bring charges.
Keller Dover: Well, then charge him with something… Charge him!
Detective Loki: Mr. Dover…
Keller Dover: [Interrupts] Detective, Detective. Two little girls have *gotta* worth whatever little rule you gotta break to keep that asshole in custody. Now, I know you can’t promise me anything, I understand that. But I’m asking you, be sure. Be 100% sure…
[Loki nods]
Keller Dover: Thank you… I appreciate it.”
The Pretty One (2014)
Starring: Zoe Kazan, Jake Johnson, Ron Livingston
From my review:
The Pretty One is a kooky little film with a somewhat bonkers premise that could have gone horribly wrong but Kazan is so charming as Laurel that it’s hard not to get sucked in by her search for her own identity. The connection between Laurel and Basel is lovely to watch and seeing how Laurel learns to understand herself and her relationships by becoming someone else is very interesting.
“Basel: What do you think, if you show me how you feel, I’m not gonna like you?
Laurel: Yeah, maybe.
Basel: Really? This isn’t gonna last if it’s like that. If this is real, we gotta tell each other the bad stuff. And if this isn’t real, if this is just my kind of imagination… then I wanna know now.”
Nymphomaniac Vol. 1 (2013)
Starring: Charlotte Gainsborough, Stacy Martin, Stellan Skarsgård
From my review:
Not to say that all of Nymphomaniac Vol. 1 is grim. There are some brilliant moments of black humour. I loved the scenes where the wife (Uma Thurman) of one of Joe’s lovers arrives at her home complete with children in tow just after her husband has left her for Joe. It was the perfect combination of hilarious and cringeworthy. When we got to the end of this half of the story I was definitely left desperate to know what happened next so stay tuned for the next installment.
“Joe: It’s actually the souls of the trees we’re seeing in the winter. In summer everything is green and idyllic but in the winter, the branches and the trunks all stand out. Just look at how crooked they all are. The branches have to carry all the leaves to the sunlight. That’s one long struggle for survival.”
The Kings of Summer (2013)
Starring: Nick Robinson, Gabriel Basso, Moises Arias
From my review:
I found this film utterly lovely. The beautiful, slow motion nature screens were enrapturing and made even outdoor-phobic, hyper allergic me think I might fancy some camping. All three young actors were excellent, as were the supporting cast and it was easy to identify with both the boys’ and their parents’ frustrations. Director, Jordan Vogt-Roberts, manages to successfully capture the freedom that exists in the precious moment between the restrictions of childhood and responsibilities of adulthood with warmth, humour and more than a little nostalgia. Coming of age gold.
“Biaggio: In Italian, the word for snake means ‘the demon’s cock’.
Patrick: No it doesn’t.
Biaggio: There’s a chance that it doesn’t.”
Frances Ha (2012)
Starring: Greta Gerwig, Mickey Sumner, Adam Driver
From my review:
Gerwig who also co-wrote the script captured the essence of what modern city living is like in the period between finishing your studies, figuring yourself and embracing a reality you can live with. Highly recommended.
“Frances: It’s that thing when you’re with someone, and you love them and they know it, and they love you and you know it… but it’s a party… and you’re both talking to other people, and you’re laughing and shining… and you look across the room and catch each other’s eyes… but – but not because you’re possessive, or it’s precisely sexual… but because… that is your person in this life. And it’s funny and sad, but only because this life will end, and it’s this secret world that exists right there in public, unnoticed, that no one else knows about. It’s sort of like how they say that other dimensions exist all around us, but we don’t have the ability to perceive them. That’s – That’s what I want out of a relationship. Or just life, I guess.”
Chronicle (2012)
Starring: Dane DeHaan, Alex Russell, Michael B. Jordan
From my review:
There is a lot to love about Chronicle. It feels realistic and accessible and the performances of the three main characters are heartfelt with DeHaan in particular proving excellent. I liked that the phenomenon that imbued the boys with their powers is barely explained. It’s not important how they got their powers but rather what they do with them and spending ages exploring it would have just distracted from the emotional impact of unbridled power on those who don’t have the maturity to deal with it.
“Andrew Detmer: I’ve been doing a lot of reading, you know? Like, online about, like, just evolution and natural selection and how like there’s this thing, right? It’s called the apex predator, right? And basically what this is, is the strongest animal in the ecosystem, right? And as human beings, we’re considered the apex predator but only because smaller animals can’t feed on us because of weapons and stuff, right? A lion does not feel guilty when it kills a gazelle, right? You do not feel guilty when you squash a fly… and I think that means something. I just think that really means something.”
Blue is the Warmest Colour (2013)
Starring: Adèle Exarchopoulos, Léa Seydoux, Salim Kechiouche
From my review:
I felt like this film took me on an epic journey through first love, self discovery and what is means to be part of a relationship and still keeping hold of your individuality. Initially I thought Adèle was a bit of a tit but as I got to know her, I genuinely felt for her plight and I was fascinated to see what would happen to her, even though this is one of those films where nothing really happens and it doesn’t have much of a conclusion. I loved the little hints of blue scattered throughout and the way writer/director Abdellatif Kechiche used Adèle’s love of the novel Life of Marianne to inject deeper meaning into scenes.
“Adèle: I miss you. I miss not touching each other. Not seeing each other, not breathing in each other. I want you. All the time. No one else.”
Blue Jasmine (2013)
Starring: Cate Blanchette, Sally Hawkins, Dice Clay
From my review:
Blanchett gives an incredible performance as a woman who is so self-absorbed and entitled that despite her repulsiveness is fascinating to watch. I couldn’t tear my eyes away from the screen, particularly as Jasmine seamlessly reinvented her past to embark on a new relationship with a wealthy potential husband. A well-deserved Oscar.
“Jasmine: Who do you have to sleep with around here to get a Stoli martini with a twist of lemon?”
With UK release dates not quite lining up with US releases I have decided to stick with my favourite films I’ve seen in the theatre in 2014 based on US release date and then sometime around the end of the first quarter I’ll do a second round based on films I’ve seen in 2015 that were 2014 US releases. So here goes!
X-Men: Days of Future Past
Starring: James McAvoy, Michael Fassbender, Jennifer Lawrence, Hugh Jackman
From my review:
Days of Future Past focuses again on the relationship between Charles and Erik and their fundamentally different ideals with Charles believing in the essential goodness of humanity and Erik convinced that human nature is to destroy anything different. With this as the central theme of the film, while the effects are pretty spectacular it’s more about making a connection with the characters, which is what makes Days of Future Past something that much better than the average superhero film.
“Professor X: Charles.
Charles Xavier: Charles.
[looks around]
Charles Xavier: Is this what becomes of us? Erik was right. Humanity does this to us.
Professor X: Not if we show them a better path.
Charles Xavier: You still believe?
Professor X: Just because someone stumbles and loses their path, doesn’t mean they’re lost forever. Sometimes, we all need a little help.
Charles Xavier: I’m not the man I was.
Professor X: You’re afraid. I remember.
Charles Xavier: All those voices… so much PAIN.
Professor X: It’s not their pain you’re afraid of. It’s yours, Charles. And as frightening as it can be, that pain will make you stronger. If you allow yourself to feel it, embrace it, .it will make you more powerful than you ever imagined. It’s the greatest gift we have: to bear their pain without breaking. And it comes from the most human part of us: hope. Charles, we need you to hope again.”
Pride
Starring: Ben Schnetzer, Imelda Staunton, Bill Nighy
From my review:
All too often you hear someone describe a film as being the total package or suggesting that you’ll laugh and cry and get angry and be uplifted all in one film but when it comes to Pride this all really is true, as is the actual story. Schnetzer is an absolute stand-out as the extremely inspiring Mark and is Jessica Gunning as Sian, a miner’s wife awakened to her potential as a leader. An instant classic and a must-see.
“Steph, Stella, Zoe: [to the Tune of “Solidarity Forever”] Every woman is a lesbian at heart/Every woman is a lesbian at heart/Every woman is a lesbian at heart…
Reggie: You can’t possibly say that every woman is a lesbian.
Zoe: Why not?
Reggie: Because they’re not! Esther Rantzen isn’t a lesbian. My mum is not a lesbian.
Stella: How do you know?
Reggie: How do I know my Mum’s not a lesbian?
Ray: What he’s trying to say is, you can’t make grand, sweeping generalizations. It’s not acceptable.
[beat]
Steph, Stella, Zoe: [Resumes Singing] Every woman is a lesbian at heart/Every woman is a lesbian at heart/Every woman is a lesbian at heart/Including Reggie’s Mum!”
Nightcrawler
Starring: Jake Gyllenhaal, Riz Ahmed, Rene Russo
From my review:
I will come straight out and say that I loved this film. Gyllenhaal gives a career-defining performance that is absolutely mesmerising. While the true nature of Lou’s character unfolds slowly throughout the film, there is an immediate feeling that there is something off about him, something which is dark and unsettling, adding to a film which manages to be thrilling and occasionally surprisingly amusing.
“Lou Bloom: Now I like you, Nina. And I look forward to our time together. But you have to understand, fifteen thousand isn’t all that I want. From here on, starting now, I want my work to be credited by the anchors and on a burn. The name of my company is Video Production News, a professional news-gathering service. That’s how it should be read and that’s how it should be said. I also want to go to the next rung and meet your team, and the station manager, and the director, and the anchors, and start developing my own personal relationships. I’d like to start meeting them this morning. You’ll take me around, you’ll introduce me as the owner and president of Video Production News, and remind them of some of my many other stories. I’m not done. I also want to stop our discussion over prices. This will save time. So when I say that a particular number is my lowest price, that’s my lowest price and you can be assured that I arrived at whatever that number is very carefully. Now, when I say that I want these things, I mean that I want them and I don’t want to have to ask again. And the last thing that I want, Nina, is for you to do the things that I ask you to do when we’re alone together in your apartment, NOT LIKE THE LAST TIME. So, I’ll tell you what. I have the van crash on Moorpark tonight. It was a couple of stringers actually. That could lead by itself on an average night. I’d be willing to throw that in for free. So what do you say, do we have a deal?”
How to Train Your Dragon 2
Starring (voice actors): Jay Baruchel, Cate Blanchett, Gerard Butler
From my review:
How to Train Your Dragon was one of those very few animated films I actually liked so I was anxious to see how the sequel would pan out and I’m glad to say I wasn’t disappointed. The animation, particularly for the flying scenes, is dazzling, the relationship between Hiccup and Toothless is wonderful and getting to see so many new and interesting dragons is awesome.
“Hiccup: [to Valka, about the dragon sanctuary] This is where you’ve been for twenty years?
[Valka nods]
Hiccup: You’ve been rescuing them. Unbelievable.
Valka: You’re not upset?
Hiccup: I don’t know. It’s kind of hard to wrap my head around, to be frank. It’s not every day you find out your mother is some kind of… crazy, feral, vigilante, dragon lady.
Valka: [laughs as Cloudjumper helps her down] Oh. Well… At least I’m not boring. Right?”
The Grand Budapest Hotel
Starring: Ralph Fiennes, F. Murray Abraham, Tony Revolori
From my review:
Fiennes and Revolori have magnificent chemistry and you can absolutely buy the idea that these two “alone in the world” characters have formed a weird little family of their own. Pair this up with some vintage action, a bucket load of quirky characters, a hilarious script and a star-studded cast and how could you possibly go wrong. For me, without question my favourite Wes Anderson film yet.
“Zero: [Reading a letter from M. Gustave] “My dear and trusted colleagues…”
M. Gustave: I miss you deeply as I write from the confines of my regrettable and preposterous incarceration. Until I walk amongst you again as a free man, the Grand Budapest remains in your hands, as does its impeccable reputation. Keep it spotless, and glorify it. Take extra-special care of every little bitty bit of it as if I were watching over you like a hawk with a horse-whip in its talons, because I am. Should I discover a lapse of any variety during my absence, I promise swift and merciless justice will descend upon you. A great and noble house has been placed under your protection. Tell Zero if you see any funny business.
Zero: [Finishing the letter] “Your devoted Monsieur Gustave.””
Fury
Starring: Brad Pitt, Logan Lerman, Shia LaBoeuf
From my review:
I am a bit of a sucker for a war film and this one really does not disappoint. While it might be pretty straightforward in terms of plot development it’s got heart, tension and real power without shying away from the devastation and senselessness of war.
“Wardaddy: I started this war killing Germans in Africa. Then France. Then Belgium. Now I’m killing Germans in Germany. It will end, soon. But before it does, a lot more people gotta die.”
Frank
Starring: Michael Fassbender, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Domnhall Gleeson
From my review:
Frank is in equal parts hilarious, touching and very sad, exploring mental illness in a sensitive and engaging manner. I loved the parallels between Jon and Frank’s home lives and the idea that the difference between mediocrity and genius could just be a touch of madness but that touch could also mean the difference between success and anonymity.
“Don: You play C, F and G?
Jon Burroughs: Yeah.
Don: You’re in.”
Edge of Tomorrow
Starring: Tom Cruise, Emily Blunt, Bill Paxton
From my review:
I wasn’t expecting to like this movie because I’m not a big fan of Tom Cruise’s at the best of times but Edge of Tomorrow is actually really entertaining, despite a couple of plot holes, it’s fun watching Cruise play a character that needs a lot of pushing to develop his heroic side, Emily Blunt is as radiant and fierce as ever and the two have great chemistry. Even my sci-fi connoisseur husband liked it.
“Griff: Why would we follow him into combat?
Lt. Col. Bill Cage: I don’t expect you to follow me. I expect your to follow her.
[Rita Vrataski steps into the scene]
Griff: That’s the Full Metal Bitch.”
Dawn of the Planet of the Apes
Starring: Andy Serkis, Jason Clarke, Gary Oldman
From my review:
Not only is the motion capture so incredibly impressive that you almost instantly forget that you are not watching real apes but the theme of two leaders just trying to do the right thing is universal. I found the decision not to push the audience to side with the humans or the apes refreshing and it makes it truly about the characters.
“Caesar: War has… already begun. Ape started war. And human… Human will not forgive. You must go… before fighting begins. I am sorry… my friend.
Malcolm: I thought we had a chance.
Caesar: I did too.”
Boyhood
Starring: Ellar Coltrane, Ethan Hawke, Patricia Arquette
From my review:
There isn’t anything particularly special about Mason’s life. This doesn’t matter though as his experiences are so relateable and the use of the same actors creates a connection that I don’t believe would be possible if the characters were played by several different actors. I also loved the realism within the film and the way the characters changed and grew or devolved the way real people do.
“Mason: So what’s the point?
Dad: Of what?
Mason: I don’t know, any of this. Everything.
Dad: Everything? What’s the point? I mean, I sure as shit don’t know. Neither does anybody else, okay? We’re all just winging it, you know? The good news is you’re feeling stuff. And you’ve got to hold on to that.”
I have to say that in 2014 I haven’t seen all that many bad movies or been disappointed by what I’ve seen. For the most part I have managed to avoid things I knew I wouldn’t like *cough* Transformers *cough* and the majority of the films I did see were satisfactory if not awesome. While not every film on this list is bad per say, they didn’t live up to my expectations and I kind wish I had managed to avoid them… disclaimer once again that this list might be updated based on UK release dates.
22 Jump Street
Starring: Channing Tatum, Jonah Hill, Ice Cube
Why did I think it was going to be good?: I was surprised by how funny the first one was and I think Tatum has amazing comic timing.
From my review:
There is a tendency to get stuck on a joke and hammer it until it’s dead. For example it starts off being quite amusing pointing out the sequel cliches that they’ve decided to have fun with but eventually you just kind of think, okay… we get it. It’s also really, really dumb. I mean you know when you got to see something like this it’s going to be dumb but this is like fourteen year old boy, dumb.
“Schmidt: Say something cool when you throw it!
Jenko: One, two, three!
[throws the grenade]
Jenko: Something cool!”
The Equalizer
Starring: Denzel Washington, Marton Csokas, Chloe Graze Moretz
Why did I think it was going to be good?: The trailer made it look like Denzel meets Taken.. I like both of these things.
From my review:
The trailer made it look really exciting and while there is some impressive action it drags on and on. On top of this parts of it are completely implausible. I get that Robert has a background that has given him some serious skills but he’s bordering on being a superhero, which seems like a stretch for a middle-aged man. It doesn’t help that Csokas has decided to play Teddy like a cartoon character and that parts of the film have been shot like a graphic novel.
“Robert McCall: When you pray for rain, you gotta deal with the mud too.”
Godzilla
Starring: Aaron Taylor-Johnson, Elizabeth Olsen, Bryan Cranston
Why did I think it would be cool?: Giant monster + Heisenberg = win
From my review:
It’s been almost a week since I saw this film and it was so boring that I have already forgotten most of what happened not that all that much of it made sense anyway and it was full of mega plot holes. For the most part the monsters all looked pretty cool but there was only a little bit of Godzilla and when all the monsters actually got to kicking the shit out of each other for some reason, director, Gareth Edwards, kept cutting away and showing the humans and their stupid, obviously pointless bomb.
“Boyd: Dr. Serizawa? Jerry Boyd. Just to warn you, it’s a mess. A total mess.”
Hercules
Starring: Dwayne Johnson, John Hurt, Ian McShane
Why did I think it would be cool?: The premise of Hercules faking is own myth is really interesting plus it’s a pretty good cast.
From my review:
Dwayne Johnson is certainly big, athletic and very charismatic, which is good and his bants with his crew is fun to watch, which is good and the battle with the Bree (I think) reminded me a bit of Vikings, which was good. That’s about it. The rest was not good. Hercules is only about an hour and a half long but it feels much longer and devoid of any actual mythology, there isn’t anything to stop it from just being a below average swords and sandals romp.
“Amphiaraus: No matter how far you go, man cannot escape his fate. Who are you? Are you a murderer? Are you a mercenary who turns his back on the innocent? We believe in you! We have faith in you! Remember the deeds you have performed, the labors you have overcome! Are you only the legend, or are you truth behind the legend? Now, tell me, WHO ARE YOU?
Hercules: I AM HERCULES!”
The Inbetweeners 2
Starring: Simon Bird, James Buckley, Blake Harrison
Why did I think it would be cool?: I loved the series and everyone said it was better than the first one (which I didn’t like)
From my review:
I think the problem is that Will and friends are bearable in twenty minute bursts but when you have to put up with them relentlessly for 90 minutes you realise what reprehensible human beings they are. I don’t have to love the characters in every movie I see but if I am expected not to hope that the world would be a better place if they just died in the desert then maybe some redeeming qualities might help.
“Jay Cartwright: Why’s there always some c*nt with a guitar?”
Lucy
Starring: Scarlett Johansson, Morgan Freeman, Min-sil Choi
Why did I think it would be cool?: The trailers looked epic, I love a bit of Scar-Jo and I was kind of hoping Luc Besson might have returned to his former glory…
From my review:
First of all Lucy is a really unlikable character after her brain capacity increases. Basically she just goes around shooting anyone who as much as looks at her funny. Apparently this is because the increased capacity cuts her off from her human emotions… but then her entire purpose seems to be to share all her knowledge with humanity. Why? If she can’t be arsed with any of us anyway, why would she need give a monkey’s about whether we knew the secrets of the universe. And what does she need Professor Norman for? She knows fucking everything. And then there’s all this weird wildlife footage interspersed with what’s happening, attempting to make it all serious when it’a really just about a fit bird running around with a gun, which should be fun. Except that it’s not. Even though Lucy is only 89 minutes long, it’s really, really boring and I wish I had never watched it.
“Lucy: Ignorance brings chaos, not knowledge.”
The Monuments Men
Starring: George Clooney, Hugh Bonneville, Matt Damon
Why did I think it would be cool?: The cast is epic and I love a good war movie.
From my review:
The script is very flat, the career development is very limited and the storyline seems jerky and jarring. One gets the feeling that if George Clooney, who also directs, had not convinced all his A-list pals to star that there would have been very little to keep this “based on a true story” war film afloat. Although possibly some audiences will see his inability to resist descending into moments of “American, fuck yeah” at the end as a good thing. I guess it’s just another case of great idea, subpar execution.
“Richard Campbell: Right now, you wish that German had shot you.”
Transcendence
Starring: Johnny Depp, Rebecca Hall, Morgan Freeman
Why did I think it would be cool?: It sounded like a classically great sci-fi premise paired up with a good cast
From my review:
Oh my god this movie was boring. It felt like it went on and on forever. The storyline was crap, Depp was crap, the action bits were a bit crap and both Morgan Freeman, who appears as a scientist, and Cillian Murphy, who appears as an FBI agent are chronically underused. I can’t imagine what it cost to make this pile of poo but if it was more than a pound it was completely waste of money.
“Max Waters: This thing is like any intelligence. It needs to grow, to advance. Right now it’s settling somewhere it thinks it’s safe from outside threats. Somewhere its massive appetite for power can be met. But it will want more than that. After a while survival won’t be enough. It will expand, evolve, influence – perhaps the entire world.”
The Drop
Starring: Tom Hardy, James Gandolfini, Noomi Rapace
Why did I think it would be cool?: Are you kidding me? Tom Hardy, James Gandolfini’s last movie… a PUPPY!
From my review:
If you’re going to go for a slow burn you’ve got to have a good payoff and for me The Drop ended with a whimper rather than a bang and at the end although I enjoyed it I kind of wondered what the whole point actually was.
“Bob: Are you doing something desperate? Something we can’t clean up this time?”
What We Did on Our Holiday
Starring: Rosamund Pike, David Tennant, Billy Connolly
Why did I think it would be cool?: It was pitched as a kind of Outnumbered style comedy… plus Billy Connolly.
From my review:
I think it’s supposed to be a comedy but the way Abi and Doug treat each other is so horrible that there is nothing enjoyable about watching them and while Connolly and the young actors who play the children are all brilliant the whole thing just doesn’t hang together. I get that it was all about focusing on the things that matter and how lies, even told with the best intentions, can tear a family apart but it’s tonally all over the place. The best part was Gavin’s wife’s YouTube supermarket meltdown but none of it was enough to save an ultimately disappointing film that probably isn’t appropriate for family viewing.
As 2014 draws to a close I am looking back at the characters that have captivated me this year. Of course as I am based in the UK there will be a series of 2014 releases that don’t drop here until 2015 so there is a chance this list will get an addendum at some point next year but this is where we are so far.
Amy Dunne
Played by: Rosamund Pike
Film: Gone Girl
Why is she awesome: Because she’s absolutely deranged and she’ll stop at nothing to get what she wants no matter how brutal or fucked up it is.
“Amy Dunne: I’m the c*nt you married! The only time you liked yourself was when you were trying to be someone this c*nt might like. I’m not a quitter… I’m that c*nt.”
Frank
Played by: Michael Fassbender
Film: Frank
What makes him awesome?: He’s absolutely mesmerising that you can’t help but get sucked into his weird circle of influence but at the same time he’s complicated and fragile and damaged and probably the most realistic portrayal I’ve seen of mental illness on screen.
“Frank: [singing] Stale beer. Fat fucked, smoked out. Cowpoked. Sequined mountain ladies. I love your wall. Put your arms around me. Fiddly digits, itchy britches. I love you all.”
Gustav H.
Played by: Ralph Fiennes
Film: The Grand Budapest Hotel
What makes him awesome: He’s fabulously charismatic and dignified and at the same time pure filth.
“M. Gustave: Rudeness is merely an expression of fear. People fear they won’t get what they want. The most dreadful and unattractive person only needs to be loved, and they will open up like a flower.”
Groot
Voiced by: Vin Diesel
Film: Guardians of the Galaxy
What makes him awesome: He’s so innocent and loyal and funny and he manages to communicate so much in just one statement.
“Groot: I am Groot.”
Katniss Everdeen
Played by: Jennifer Lawrence
Film: The Hunger Games: Mockingjay – Part 1
What makes her awesome: Katniss will always been one of my favourites. She’s one of the most well-rounded complex female characters we get on screen – strong but vulnerable, brave but damaged, selfish and selfless at the same time, heroic but humble.
“Katniss Everdeen: I have a message for President Snow: You can torture or bombed us, blasted our district to the grounds. But do you see that ? Fire Is Catching… If we burn, you burn with us!”
Lou Bloom
Played by: Jake Gyllenhaal
Film: Nightcrawler
What makes him awesome: He is absolutely terrifying despite being generally softly spoken and his ability to manipulate others is second to none.
“Lou Bloom: What if my problem wasn’t that I don’t understand people but that I don’t like them? What if I was the kind of person who was obliged to hurt you for this? I mean physically. I think you’d have to believe afterward, if you could, that agreeing to participate and then backing out at the critical moment was a mistake. Because that’s what I’m telling you, as clearly as I can.”
Pietro Maximoff/Quicksilver
Played by: Evan Peters
Film: X-Men: Days of Future Past
What makes him awesome: He’s just so fricking cool and his cheeky behaviour towards Professor X and Wolverine steals the whole of DOFP.
“Logan: We need your help, Peter.
Pietro Maximoff: With what?
Logan: Breaking into a highly secured facility and get someone out.
Logan, Pietro Maximoff: Prison break? That’s illegal, you know?
Logan: [Looks around and sees the items Peter has obviously stolen] Only if you get caught.”
Rita Vrataski
Played by: Emily Blunt
Film: Edge of Tomorrow
Why is she awesome?: Because she is the baddest ass female to grace our screens in 2014
“Lt. Col. Bill Cage: [while in training] Stop! Wait, wait, wait, wait! Stop! Wait a second, wait a second! I’ve been thinking… I mean, this thing is in my blood. So maybe there’s some way I can transfer it to you.
Rita Vrataski: I’ve tried everything, it doesn’t work.
Lt. Col. Bill Cage: I mean have you tried… you know… tried ALL the options.
Rita Vrataski: Oh, you mean sex? Yeah, tried it.
Lt. Col. Bill Cage: …how many times?
Rita Vrataski: Alright…
[Cage gets hit by a spinning robot]”
Hefina
Played by: Imelda Stauton
Film: Pride
Why is she awesome: She’s bold, brave and she takes no prisoners plus it’s always fun watching the elderly swear.
“Hefina: “What in the hell do you think you’re doing? Get out there and find a gay or a lesbian right now!”
Guy: “I don’t want to give them the wrong impression.”
Hefina: “Right, cause you’re so bloody irresistible!”
Augustus Waters
Played by: Ansel Elgort
Film: The Fault in Our Stars
What makes him awesome: He’s the guy that we all should have fallen for when we were teenagers, you know instead of the douchebag bad boy who had a motorbike. Plus he’s endlessly positive even in the face of total uncertainty.
“Augustus Waters: I am in love with you. And I know that love is just a shout into the void, and that oblivion is inevitable, and that we’re all doomed. And that one day all our labor will be returned to dust. And I know that the sun will swallow the only earth we will ever have. And I am in love with you.”
A few weeks ago I did a top 10 on my favourite movie psychopaths. This week I’ve decided to have a look at my most loved TV psycho- and sociopaths. In this case I have included some controversial choices, focusing on the manipulative aspect of characters with this particular pathology… hold on tight. It’s going to be a bumpy ride.
The Master
Played by: John Simm (I’m sticking with this particular incarnation)
Show: Doctor Who (2005 – )
Psycho or socio: Definitely a psychopath
Remorse: Minimal
Killer trait: Delusions of grandeur, boldness, disinhibition
“The Master: And so it came to pass that the human race fell, and the Earth was no more. And I looked down upon my new dominion as Master of all; and I thought it good.”
Theodore “T-Bag” Bagwell
Played by: Robert Knepper
Show: Prison Break (2005 – 2009)
Psycho or socio: Total psycho
Remorse: Occasional
Killer traits: Violence, criminality and sexual deviation combined with glib charm
“Theodore “T-Bag” Bagwell: That picture makes me look like a sociopath.”
Tate Langdon
Played by: Evan Peters
Show: American Horror Story (2011 – )
Socio or psycho: The psychopath next door
Remorse: Mostly faked
Killer traits: Criminal behaviour, violence, charm, lack of empathy
“Tate Langdon: I prepare for the noble war. I’m calm, I know the secret. I know whats coming and I know no one can stop me not even myself. I kill people I like. Some of them beg for their life. I don’t feel sad. I don’t feel anything. It’s a filthy world we live, in its a filthy goddamn world and honestly I feel like I’m helping to take them away from the shit and the piss and the vomit that run through the streets. I’m helping to take them to somewhere clean. There’s something about all that blood man i drown it.”
Sherlock Holmes
Played by: Benedict Cumberbatch
Show: Sherlock (2010 – )
Socio or psycho: Sociopath
Remorse: For a select few
Killer traits: Lack of empathy for others, heightened sense of self, disinhibition
“Sherlock Holmes: Brilliant! Yes! Ah, four serial suicides and now a note, Oh, it’s Christmas!”
Ramsay Snow/Bolton
Played by: Iwan Rheon
Show: Game of Thrones (2011 – )
Psycho or socio: Total psycho
Remorse: Zero
Killer traits: Violence, charisma
“Ramsay Snow: But you already told me everything, remember? Your daddy was mean to you. The Starks didn’t appreciate you. One can admit, the Stark boys. They’re still alive. Wouldn’t that be a hunt to remember. You failed, but I’m a better hunter than you. Now, how about your little finger? You don’t need that for much do you? No? Good! Let’s start with that. You’ve been wondering why you’re here, how many, where you are, who I am, why I’m doing this to you. So, guess! If your right, I’ll tell you, by the old gods and the new, I swear it. You win the game if you figure out who I am and why I’m torturing you, and I win the game if you beg me to cut off your finger.”
Lily Tucker-Pritchett
Played by: Aubrey Anderson-Emmons
Psycho or socio: Little sociopath in training
Killer traits: Manipulation, lack of empathy for others, charm, meanness
Remorse: Only for personal gain
“Sal: Sorry you couldn’t come to the wedding, it was no kids.
Lily Tucker-Pritchett: It’s okay, I’ll go to your next one.
Sal: Wow.
Cameron Tucker: She just means when she’s not a kid anymore.
Lily Tucker-Pritchett: She knows what I mean.
Sal: I don’t like you.
Lily Tucker-Pritchett: [whispering] I’ll get over it.”
Joffrey Baratheon
Played by: Jack Gleeson
Show: Game of Thrones (2011 – )
Psycho or socio: Psychopath
Remorse: Never
Killer traits: Sexual sadism, violence, delusions of grandeur
“Joffrey Baratheon: [announcing Eddard Stark’s sentence] My mother wishes me to let Lord Eddard join the Night’s Watch. Stripped of all titles and powers, he would serve the realm in permanent exile. And my Lady Sansa has begged mercy for her father. But they have the soft hearts of women. So long as I am your king, treason shall never go unpunished. Sir Ilyn, bring me his head! “
Dexter Morgan
Played by: Michael C. Hall
Show: Dexter (2006 – 2013)
Psycho or socio: Conscious psychopath
Remorse: Constant
Killer traits: Violence, criminal behaviour, lack of empathy
“Dexter Morgan: People fake a lot of human interactions, but I feel like I fake them all, and I fake them very well. That’s my burden, I guess.”
Madame Delphine LaLaurie
Played by: Kathy Bates
Show: American Horror Story (2011 – )
Psycho or socio: Complete psychO
Remorse: Occasional
Killer traits: Sadism, lack of empathy, violence, disinhibition, charm
“Madame Delphine LaLaurie: I fairly swoon when I see the look of terror register on a handsome face. It makes me feel young again.”
Eric Cartman
Voiced by: Trey Parker
Show: South Park (1997 – )
Psycho or socio: Impressively sociopathic
Remorse: Only for benefit
Killer traits: lack of empathy, criminal behaviour, superficial charm, manipulation, disinhibition
“Eric Cartman: I… I can’t live like this. I have to find a place where they remove living souls from your body… “
It’s not surprising that some of my favourite TV characters are “bitches”. I’m talking about the ladies that take no nonsense, tell it like it as and sometimes bring a level of mean we wouldn’t be brave enough to level ourselves. More often than not it’s the bitch that steals the show and keeps us coming for me. These are the ones I love.
April Ludgate
Played by: Aubrey Plaza
Show: Parks and Recreation (2009 – )
Bitch style: Utterly disinterested by everything and anything
Bitch level: 3/10
Favourite target: Her colleague, Jerry.
“April Ludgate: Can you Photoshop your life with better decisions, Jerry? “
Pam De Beaufort
Played by: Kristin Bauer van Straten
Show: True Blood (2008 – 2014)
Bitch style: Blood-sucking, stone cold lesbian
Bitch level: 8/10
Favourite target: Sookie Stackhouse
“Pam De Beaufort: [to Sookie] Did I miss something? Are we girls now? Did we join a book club and read some queer chicklet memoir and now are bound together by estrogen and sisterhood or some other feminist drivel? “
Cersei Lannister
Played by: Lena Headley
Show: Game of Thrones (2011 – )
Bitch style: Willing to do anything for power
Favourite target: Her brother, Tyrion
Bitch level: 10/10
“Cersei Lannister: [to Margaery] If you ever call me sister again, I’ll have you strangled in your sleep.”
Sadie Saxton
Played by: Molly Tarlov
Show: Awkward. (2011 – )
Bitch style: Delivering brutal slights disguised as”helpful” advice.
Favourite target: Jenna Hamilton
Bitch level: 4/10
“Sadie: If you tell anyone I’m having this soft side moment I swear I will cut you.”
Galina ‘Red’ Reznikov
Played by: Kate Mulgrew
Show: Orange is the New Black (2013 – )
Bitch style: Rules with an iron fist and ready to punish anyone who transgresses.
Favourite target: Varies across seasons
Bitch level: 6/10
“Galina ‘Red’ Reznikov: Because no matter how hard you try and how much we want it, there’s the people who serve the bread, and the people who eat the bread!”
Jackie Burkhart
Played by: Mila Kunis
Show: That 70’s Show (1998 – 2006)
Bitch style: Manipulative, spoilt popular high school bitch
Favourite target: Her boyfriend, Michael.
Bitch level: 2/10
“Jackie Burkhart: Look, Eric, just write her a letter. That’s how I broke up with Michael. I was able to take my time and come up with good synonyms for… cowardly won’t-marry-me loser, run-away-to-California jackass.”
Wilhemina Slater
Played by: Vanessa Williams
Show: Ugly Betty (2006 – 2010)
Bitch style: Controlling, brutal and always stylish
Favourite target: Everyone
Bitch level: 6/10
“Wilhelmina Slater: Look at us! Two women of color out for a fancy lunch in the town! Isn’t this fun, girlfriend?
Betty Suarez: [laughs nervously] I guess.
Wilhelmina Slater: And that blouse is heaven! Where did you get? I love it!
Betty Suarez: No you don’t!
Wilhelmina Slater: No, I don’t. It’s hideous, like driving through Ohio.”
Karen Walker
Played by: Megan Mullally
Show: Will & Grace (1998 – 2006)
Bitch style: Self-obsessed and mostly inebriated
Favourite target: Her boss, Grace Adler
Bitch level: 7/10
“Karen Walker: Hey I have feelilngs too you know…..
[Jack and Karen both break out laughing]
Karen Walker: Dammit, I was trying to keep a straight face.”
Fiona Goode
Played by: Jessica Lange
Show: American Horror Story (2011 – )
Bitch style: Power hungry and completely unwilling to grow old gracefully
Favourite target: Her daughter, Cordelia
Bitch level: 9/10
“Fiona Goode: Too much? Well, I don’t know. Maybe you’re right. Then here’s my other offer: You can all just die.”
Cordelia Chase
Played by: Charisma Carpenter
Show: Buffy The Vampire Slayer (1997 – 2003)
Bitch style: Completely self-obsessed
Favourite target: Her on-off boyfriend, Xander Harris
Bitch level: 1/10
“Cordelia: People who think their problems are so huge craze me. Like this time I sort of ran over this girl on her bike. It was the most traumatizing event of my life, and she’s trying to make it about her leg! Like my pain meant nothing! “
My thoughts on the latest films released in theatres.
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Thirty Years of Wonder
My crazy Chinese Family I married into...
and other excellent advice, probably.
Never get lost in the Sauce
Dictatorship is good. If the Dictator is me.
Sleep deprived; fur covered; cooking
The musings of a Londoner, now living in Norfolk
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