Tag Archives: candice

She’s got the X-factor

With London dissolving in torrential, tube-stopping rain, Candice and I decided to abandon all plans that involved leaving the house and OD on reality “talent” shows. Saturdays are good for that kind of thing, offering up Strictly Come Dancing and X-Factor. Candice and I, however, do not watch for the talent… we watch for the joy of judging everyone who appears, sinking into a nice warm blanket of bitchery. Comments last night included:

  • What the hell is she wearing? She looks like a Quality Street toffee!
  • Those dancers look like gay Miami vice being performed in the zoo.
  • They shouldn’t have put her in a corset, it’s just shoved all her flab out the bottom.
  • He’s leering at her like a dirty old man. Gross!
  • It’s all a bit High School Musical
  • I can’t believe she’s taken her shoes off. She just looks like a man in a dress anyway.

I am going to miss Candice very much. She is leaving on Tuesday to join her fiancé in Jordan for good. Originally the move was going to happen a little further down the line but Cands has been offered the job of a lifetime editing the Middle East’s answer to Cosmo… lucky girl! So goodbye to nights of pouting, singing crimps and obsessing about band boys! Good luck, chick… its going to be very quiet without you!

Life’s no fun without a good scare

I am somewhat concerned by the fact that I was more comfortable in my Halloween costume last night than I am dressed like a normal person. Unlike many of the Halloween revellers we saw out there, my costume was most certainly not cute. I painted my face like a skull, put on a dishevelled back wig, painted fake blood across my throat and coming out of my mouth and then fashioned a Goth style dress out of a skirt, top and bra. My intentions seem to have served me well since I managed to frighten not only a number of small children but quite a few adults as well. Is it possible I got too much into character?

I think our journey from Earlsfield to Limehouse provided entertainment for quite a few travellers. I suppose part of it was down to the nature of our outfits. I was walking around with my bra out, Kelly was a Playboy Bunny suicide, Barb was a very saucy witch and Candice was a slinky kitty. Boys stared. A lot. One even came and draped himself on me telling me I had the most beautiful breasts he had ever seen (how suave). Unfortunately his girlfriend didn’t seem to think so. As they exited Canary Wharf we watched the beginning of the carnage and giggled… a little. Here we are all regaled.

The occasion was not only Halloween but also Fi’s birthday. I have to say that I ADORE her house. It has this mad funkiness about it that makes me feel very much at home. Fi and flatmates had gone to town with the décor and everything was draped in cobwebs, bloody handprints, spiders and pumpkins. The whole house was packed with people in mad outfits including Hilton – the Stormtrooper, Don – The Mummy and Tino who was a Knight To Remember complete with giant penis… don’t ask.

The night descended into drunken randomness and I bounced around with a cup of vodka cranberry talking to anyone and everyone before realising that it was 4 am and even zombies get sleepy. Happy birthday, Fi. It was the best Halloween ever!

Take the red from your eyes and ink it into your skin

My shopping trip yesterday was in parts successful and other parts not. I was supposed to buy shoes… shoes were not bought. I did get a handbag, a dress and the coolest scarf, everrrrr. It is the scarf of destiny… red tartan with elastic run through it so it sort of poofs up and gets this ruffled look. Adds instant glam to any outfit. The downside is that I may be going to Kirsty’s wedding barefoot.

In other news, I am on edge. Yesterday I dropped off a design for a tattoo and this evening at six it will become my fifth piece of art. I’m not telling you what it is or where it’s going but I will reveal that it is more song lyrics in the same style as the one on my arm and that it will be my biggest tattoo by far. I am very, very nervous because I will have to sit for a lot longer than I have ever sat before… and well, tattoos hurt. Fortunately Kelly and Candice are coming to sit with me and distract me. Kelly actually wants to take photos of the process… niiiiiiiice. Stay tuned and tomorrow there should be pics.

No obsession today… too twitchy…

In the pink

Tonight was definitely an evening for celebrations… it was our gorgeous friend Candice’s birthday so we invited a bunch of friends around for dinner. I can’t take any credit for this one, it was Barb who made an incredible veggie lasagne and Kelly who supplied the pink fairy cake. Cands loves all things pink so she was thrilled with her pink handbag, purse and laptop bag, all wrapped in pink paper.

The birthday was not the only reason Cands was “in the pink”. Last night her Lebanese beau, Moonir, popped the question and she is officially betrothed. She is off to meet the man and collect the ring in Jordan next month with a wedding on the cards next year.

Tomorrow the contractors are coming to fix my shower. It has been leaking into Mich’s room for months and the landlord has finally heard our pleas. Unfortunately this is going to take a week and I will be sharing the house bathrooms with the other girls. Although I have only been living in the lair for six months, I have become EXTREMELY spoilt and having to trek downstairs for my daily grooming seems like a giant annoyance. Funny how quickly your perspective changes. Four and a bit years ago I was sharing a bathroom with four other girls and a bed with one other. Now I am grumbling about our house being reduced down from three bathrooms to two and there are only four of us, each with her own double room… time for a reality check, Princess?

Today’s obsession is the Em cartoon. Published daily in the free London Paper, it is the only thing that makes this dire rag, readable. Created by Maria Smedstad, as an autobiographical look into the life of a London singleton living in a shared house, it is sometimes so close to the lives of the Playboy Mansion that I wonder if Maria has been watching us. The cartoons are acerbic, regularly inappropriate and always hilarious chronicling Em and her friends’ drunken nights out, disastrous love lives and searches for fulfilment. You can check out the Em archive here. This is one of my favourites.