Weeks pregnant: 37
Baby size in vegetables: Swiss Chard
In the last week or so my bump has “dropped”. This is something that happens in the last few weeks of pregnancy where the bay starts to move downwards ready for its final journey to the outside world. There are definite plus sides to this. With the baby being lower down it doesn’t compress your lungs as much, so that feeling like you’re going to pass out the top of the sixth flight of stairs eases off. However there are cons too… when the baby heads down it becomes “engaged”, which means its (not so little) head is settled in your pelvis. This can mean increased pressure and a feeling a bit like your bones are grinding the aforementioned head. It also means your bladder capacity is about one tablespoon. Little O is currently 3/5 engaged. I am currently spending 3/5 of my time in the bathroom.
Earlier this week we visited the specialist registrar at the hospital and received a date for my induction. If I don’t go into spontaneous labour before the date and as long as they have a bed available this is when they will try to kick start my labour. It doesn’t mean the baby will be born on that day as inductions can take some time but there will certainly be a baby one way or another within a 3 or 4 days. I am excited and petrified all in one go. M O is convinced that by sheer willpower I will go into labour before the induction date because I am that set against anyone telling me what to do.
Fortunately Mr O is the world’s greatest sorter and planner and has set up all of our baby things in a logical order and in sensible places, along with packing mine and Little O’s bags for the hospital. I am not quite sure what I would do without him. While I am an organised person my skills tend in a different kind of direction and this is all the kind of stuff I am likely to procrastinate until the last possible minute.
I am continuing to see my counselor weekly and the sessions are helping a lot. I still have days where I feel overwhelmed, scared and anxious but having a safe space to talk to someone about this is helping me to process how I feel, especially in the lead up to me finishing work this Friday. It is only as this deadline has been looming that I have fully come to realise what a big part of my identity my job is and the idea of not being at work is one that really pushes all my anxiety buttons. I know I will very soon have a new, all-consuming job but unlike my current job my boss is likely to be completely unreasonable and I have no idea what I am doing! I think sometimes the pressure from society to see motherhood as the be all and end all of female existence makes it very challenging to accept when you experience feelings of loss around the life you will no longer have whether that’s your relationship with your partner, social life, career, hobbies or just anything that makes you feel fulfilled. I think as women we need to support each other and be kind to ourselves because being sad that things are going to change isn’t wrong or bad and doesn’t mean you want your baby any less.