My top 10 most disappointing movies of 2014

I have to say that in 2014 I haven’t seen all that many bad movies or been disappointed by what I’ve seen. For the most part I have managed to avoid things I knew I wouldn’t like *cough* Transformers *cough* and the majority of the films I did see were satisfactory if not awesome.  While not every film on this list is bad per say, they didn’t live up to my expectations and I kind wish I had managed to avoid them… disclaimer once again that this list might be updated based on UK release dates.

channing-tatum-hottest-on-screen-moments-22-jump-street

22 Jump Street
Starring: Channing Tatum, Jonah Hill, Ice Cube
Why did I think it was going to be good?: I was surprised by how funny the first one was and I think Tatum has amazing comic timing.
From my review: 
There is a tendency to get stuck on a joke and hammer it until it’s dead. For example it starts off being quite amusing pointing out the sequel cliches that they’ve decided to have fun with but eventually you just kind of think, okay… we get it. It’s also really, really dumb. I mean you know when you got to see something like this it’s going to be dumb but this is like fourteen year old boy, dumb.
“Schmidt: Say something cool when you throw it!
Jenko: One, two, three!
[throws the grenade]
Jenko: Something cool!”

Equalizer

The Equalizer
Starring: Denzel Washington, Marton Csokas, Chloe Graze Moretz
Why did I think it was going to be good?: The trailer made it look like Denzel meets Taken.. I like both of these things.
From my review:
The trailer made it look really exciting and while there is some impressive action it drags on and on. On top of this parts of it are completely implausible. I get that Robert has a background that has given him some serious skills but he’s bordering on being a superhero, which seems like a stretch for a middle-aged man. It doesn’t help that Csokas has decided to play Teddy like a cartoon character and that parts of the film have been shot like a graphic novel.
“Robert McCall: When you pray for rain, you gotta deal with the mud too.”

Godzilla

Godzilla
Starring: Aaron Taylor-Johnson, Elizabeth Olsen, Bryan Cranston
Why did I think it would be cool?: Giant monster + Heisenberg = win
From my review:
It’s been almost a week since I saw this film and it was so boring that I have already forgotten most of what happened not that all that much of it made sense anyway and it was full of mega plot holes. For the most part the monsters all looked pretty cool but there was only a little bit of Godzilla and when all the monsters actually got to kicking the shit out of each other for some reason, director, Gareth Edwards, kept cutting away and showing the humans and their stupid, obviously pointless bomb.
“Boyd: Dr. Serizawa? Jerry Boyd. Just to warn you, it’s a mess. A total mess.”

Hercules

Hercules
Starring: Dwayne Johnson, John Hurt, Ian McShane
Why did I think it would be cool?: The premise of Hercules faking is own myth is really interesting plus it’s a pretty good cast.
From my review:
Dwayne Johnson is certainly big, athletic and very charismatic, which is good and his bants with his crew is fun to watch, which is good and the battle with the Bree (I think) reminded me a bit of Vikings, which was good. That’s about it. The rest was not good. Hercules is only about an hour and a half long but it feels much longer and devoid of any actual mythology, there isn’t anything to stop it from just being a below average swords and sandals romp.
“Amphiaraus: No matter how far you go, man cannot escape his fate. Who are you? Are you a murderer? Are you a mercenary who turns his back on the innocent? We believe in you! We have faith in you! Remember the deeds you have performed, the labors you have overcome! Are you only the legend, or are you truth behind the legend? Now, tell me, WHO ARE YOU?
Hercules: I AM HERCULES!”

Inberweeners

The Inbetweeners 2
Starring: Simon Bird, James Buckley, Blake Harrison
Why did I think it would be cool?: I loved the series and everyone said it was better than the first one (which I didn’t like)
From my review:
I think the problem is that Will and friends are bearable in twenty minute bursts but when you have to put up with them relentlessly for 90 minutes you realise what reprehensible human beings they are. I don’t have to love the characters in every movie I see but if I am expected not to hope that the world would be a better place if they just died in the desert then maybe some redeeming qualities might help.
Jay Cartwright: Why’s there always some c*nt with a guitar?”

Lucy

Lucy 
Starring: Scarlett Johansson, Morgan Freeman, Min-sil Choi
Why did I think it would be cool?: The trailers looked epic, I love a bit of Scar-Jo and I was kind of hoping Luc Besson might have returned to his former glory…
From my review:
First of all Lucy is a really unlikable character after her brain capacity increases. Basically she just goes around shooting anyone who as much as looks at her funny. Apparently this is because the increased capacity cuts her off from her human emotions… but then her entire purpose seems to be to share all her knowledge with humanity. Why? If she can’t be arsed with any of us anyway, why would she need give a monkey’s about whether we knew the secrets of the universe. And what does she need Professor Norman for? She knows fucking everything. And then there’s all this weird wildlife footage interspersed with what’s happening, attempting to make it all serious when it’a really just about a fit bird running around with a gun, which should be fun. Except that it’s not. Even though Lucy is only 89 minutes long, it’s really, really boring and I wish I had never watched it.
“Lucy: Ignorance brings chaos, not knowledge.”

MM

The Monuments Men
Starring: George Clooney, Hugh Bonneville, Matt Damon
Why did I think it would be cool?: The cast is epic and I love a good war movie.
From my review:
The script is very flat, the career development is very limited and the storyline seems jerky and jarring. One gets the feeling that if George Clooney, who also directs, had not convinced all his A-list pals to star that there would have been very little to keep this “based on a true story” war film afloat. Although possibly some audiences will see his inability to resist descending into moments of “American, fuck yeah” at the end as a good thing. I guess it’s just another case of great idea, subpar execution.
“Richard Campbell: Right now, you wish that German had shot you.”

Transendence

Transcendence
Starring: Johnny Depp, Rebecca Hall, Morgan Freeman
 Why did I think it would be cool?: It sounded like a classically great sci-fi premise paired up with a good cast
From my review:
Oh my god this movie was boring. It felt like it went on and on forever. The storyline was crap, Depp was crap, the action bits were a bit crap and both Morgan Freeman, who appears as a scientist, and  Cillian Murphy, who appears as an FBI agent are chronically underused. I can’t imagine what it cost to make this pile of poo but if it was more than a pound it was completely waste of money.
“Max Waters: This thing is like any intelligence. It needs to grow, to advance. Right now it’s settling somewhere it thinks it’s safe from outside threats. Somewhere its massive appetite for power can be met. But it will want more than that. After a while survival won’t be enough. It will expand, evolve, influence – perhaps the entire world.”

The drop

The Drop
Starring: Tom Hardy, James Gandolfini, Noomi Rapace
Why did I think it would be cool?: Are you kidding me? Tom Hardy, James Gandolfini’s last movie… a PUPPY!
From my review:
If you’re going to go for a slow burn you’ve got to have a good payoff and for me The Drop ended with a whimper rather than a bang and at the end although I enjoyed it I kind of wondered what the whole point actually was.
“Bob: Are you doing something desperate? Something we can’t clean up this time?”

what-we-did-on-our-holiday-500x312

What We Did on Our Holiday
Starring: Rosamund Pike, David Tennant, Billy Connolly
Why did I think it would be cool?: It was pitched as a kind of Outnumbered style comedy… plus Billy Connolly.
From my review:
I think it’s supposed to be a comedy but the way Abi and Doug treat each other is so horrible that there is nothing enjoyable about watching them and while Connolly and the young actors who play the children are all brilliant the whole thing just doesn’t hang together. I get that it was all about focusing on the things that matter and how lies, even told with the best intentions, can tear a family apart but it’s tonally all over the place. The best part was Gavin’s wife’s YouTube supermarket meltdown but none of it was enough to save an ultimately disappointing film that probably isn’t appropriate for family viewing.

32 Comments

  1. I agree with you on pretty much all of these!

  2. great list. does this mean I should skip The Drop? was gonna see it in the next few days if not earlier

    1. Abbi

      It’s not a bad film. I just wanted a lot more from it so I was disappointed. It’s still worth a watch.

      1. I’ll let u know what I think. Tnx Abbi!

  3. I rewatched Monuments Men and it was fine for me, but I get why people didn’t like it much. You have such a great cast and so you expect great things. The story is interesting. The script was lame. Otherwise, can’t disagree with any of your choices.

    1. Abbi

      I don’t think it was a bad film exactly but I had such high hopes that I was really disappointed.

  4. I’m so out of the movie scene since having kids! Seriously, I don’t even know what’s “new” anymore, ha ha! Thanks for keeping me updated 🙂

    1. Abbi

      I’m sure it must be hard to keep up with two little ones. Look out for my most loved list coming up soon if you’re keen to get some recommendations 🙂

  5. I was thinking of doing this kind of a list but while listing “the bad ones” there was basically one or two films that were actually bad that came out this year that I saw. I tend to avoid bad ones. And apparently successfully. I haven’t even seen any films on your list. Though I’d still like to see 22nd Jump Street. But not Lucy anymore, after reading your review. And Godzilla was by far the biggest disappointment for me this year. It was so boring.

    1. Abbi

      I mostly avoided the real turds too. Some people loved Lucy so don’t let me put you off.

  6. I did like 22 Jump Street, but that is pretty much a very noddable list.

    1. Abbi

      Thanks! The friend I saw it with really liked it too so you’re definitely not alone.

  7. Glad I skipped most of these! I did see The Monuments Men and so agree it’s such a letdown despite such an impressive cast.

    1. Abbi

      If the script was a bit better it probably would have been okay but it was just so… blah!

  8. Shocked to see that I disagree with most of the flicks listed on here.

    I loved 22 Jump Street.

    I like both The Drop and The Equalizer.

    …and while I had a few grips with it myself, I enjoyed Godzilla. I wouldn’t blame Edwards though. He wasn’t working off his own script.

    1. Now that I think about it…

      …that isn’t most haha. Just four.

      1. Abbi

        I liked The Drop… I just wanted so much more from it. It felt like squandered potential. Loads of people liked Godzilla. I think it was a bit of a Marmite movie.

  9. Ugh I hated Monuments Men too and The Drop is on your list oh no! I totally wanted to see that, but now I am a bit worried because I do agree with all your choices.

  10. I have only seen The Monuments Men and Lucy from this list. Gosh, I have to agree about Lucy.

    1. Abbi

      Don’t see the rest of them. They are mostly terrible. Some people loved Lucy but I really don’t get it.

  11. I thought Lucy was terrible too! Glad someone else thought so. Everyone was raving about it, and I thought the trailer looked cool too. But no, just a boring, uninteresting, weird movie!!

    1. Abbi

      I don’t get what anyone enjoyed about it. It was so boring which is exactly what an action movie should not be!

  12. Great list. OMG, Godzilla was soooo fucking boring.

    1. Abbi

      There are so many people who loved it and I’m like what movie were you watching???

  13. I can agree with most of these! I thought 22 Jump Street was not nearly as good as the first. I recently watched The Drop and I quite liked it, though it isn’t a great film. I really did enjoy The Equalizer, but I hated Godzilla… and Transcendence… :/ WTF?! WHY?!

    1. Abbi

      Transcendence was a disaster area. It could have been great but it was just CRAP!

  14. Not seen many of these but agree on Godzilla. 😦

    1. Abbi

      You have gotten off lightly! Godzilla seems to be a real Marmite movie. Some people loved it.

  15. Okay, so I just watched Lucy. Ian never wanted to see it in the first place, and he remains in that camp. But I enjoyed it. Until the end, which was far too abrupt.

    1. Abbi

      I know loads of people loved it but it did nothing for me.

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