My top ten TV bitches

It’s not surprising that some of my favourite TV characters are “bitches”. I’m talking about the ladies that take no nonsense, tell it like it as and sometimes bring a level of mean we wouldn’t be brave enough to level ourselves. More often than not it’s the bitch that steals the show and keeps us coming for me. These are the ones I love.

April-ludgate

April Ludgate
Played by: Aubrey Plaza
Show: Parks and Recreation (2009 – )
Bitch style: Utterly disinterested by everything and anything
Bitch level: 3/10
Favourite target: Her colleague, Jerry.
“April Ludgate: Can you Photoshop your life with better decisions, Jerry? “

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Pam De Beaufort
Played by: Kristin Bauer van Straten
Show: True Blood (2008 – 2014)
Bitch style: Blood-sucking, stone cold lesbian
Bitch level: 8/10
Favourite target: Sookie Stackhouse
“Pam De Beaufort: [to Sookie] Did I miss something? Are we girls now? Did we join a book club and read some queer chicklet memoir and now are bound together by estrogen and sisterhood or some other feminist drivel? “

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Cersei Lannister
Played by: Lena Headley
Show: Game of Thrones (2011 – )
Bitch style: Willing to do anything for power
Favourite target: Her brother, Tyrion
Bitch level: 10/10
Cersei Lannister: [to Margaery] If you ever call me sister again, I’ll have you strangled in your sleep.”

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Sadie Saxton
Played by: Molly Tarlov
Show: Awkward. (2011 – )
Bitch style: Delivering brutal slights disguised as”helpful” advice.
Favourite target: Jenna Hamilton
Bitch level: 4/10
“Sadie: If you tell anyone I’m having this soft side moment I swear I will cut you.”

 Red6

Galina ‘Red’ Reznikov
Played by: Kate Mulgrew
Show: Orange is the New Black (2013 – )
Bitch style: Rules with an iron fist and ready to punish anyone who transgresses.
Favourite target: Varies across seasons
Bitch level: 6/10
“Galina ‘Red’ Reznikov: Because no matter how hard you try and how much we want it, there’s the people who serve the bread, and the people who eat the bread!”

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Jackie Burkhart
Played by: Mila Kunis
Show: That 70’s Show (1998 – 2006)
Bitch style: Manipulative, spoilt popular high school bitch
Favourite target: Her boyfriend, Michael.
Bitch level: 2/10
“Jackie Burkhart: Look, Eric, just write her a letter. That’s how I broke up with Michael. I was able to take my time and come up with good synonyms for… cowardly won’t-marry-me loser, run-away-to-California jackass.”

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Wilhemina Slater
Played by: Vanessa Williams
Show: Ugly Betty (2006 – 2010)
Bitch style: Controlling, brutal and always stylish
Favourite target: Everyone
Bitch level: 6/10
“Wilhelmina Slater: Look at us! Two women of color out for a fancy lunch in the town! Isn’t this fun, girlfriend?
Betty Suarez: [laughs nervously] I guess.
Wilhelmina Slater: And that blouse is heaven! Where did you get? I love it!
Betty Suarez: No you don’t!
Wilhelmina Slater: No, I don’t. It’s hideous, like driving through Ohio.”

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Karen Walker
Played by: Megan Mullally
Show: Will & Grace (1998 – 2006)
Bitch style: Self-obsessed and mostly inebriated
Favourite target: Her boss, Grace Adler
Bitch level: 7/10
“Karen Walker: Hey I have feelilngs too you know…..
[Jack and Karen both break out laughing]
Karen Walker: Dammit, I was trying to keep a straight face.”

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Fiona Goode
Played by: Jessica Lange
Show: American Horror Story (2011 – )
Bitch style: Power hungry and completely unwilling to grow old gracefully
Favourite target: Her daughter, Cordelia
Bitch level: 9/10
“Fiona Goode: Too much? Well, I don’t know. Maybe you’re right. Then here’s my other offer: You can all just die.”

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Cordelia Chase
Played by: Charisma Carpenter
Show: Buffy The Vampire Slayer (1997 – 2003)
Bitch style: Completely self-obsessed
Favourite target: Her on-off boyfriend, Xander Harris
Bitch level: 1/10
“Cordelia: People who think their problems are so huge craze me. Like this time I sort of ran over this girl on her bike. It was the most traumatizing event of my life, and she’s trying to make it about her leg! Like my pain meant nothing! “

27 Comments

  1. Great choices Abbi, who doesn’t love a TV bitch?

    1. Abbi

      Only people who we wouldn’t allow in our clique anyway!

      1. Exactly, glad you included someone from AHS. Love that show. I recently reviewed Murder House and Asylum on my blog if you’re interested.

        1. Abbi

          I am definitely going to check that out. It is one of my absolute favourite shows. It always delivers!

          1. Thanks Abbi, hope you like the reviews.

  2. Is the best bitch the one that pretends to be nice? Or the one that doesn’t even bother??! xxxx

    1. Abbi

      Good question! I do love a duplicitous bitch but then a stone cold bitch is also a delight.

  3. Absolutely great picks! I LOVE Pam and Fiona Goode is also just fantastic 🙂 Gotta say, the snappy ones do keep us coming back!

    1. Abbi

      Jessica Lange always plays a bitch in AHS but Fiona is definitely the UBERbitch. I loved her character so much and Pam is just hilarious!

  4. Great list, but I think Joffrey deserves a place over his mum/aunt. Surely he counts as a mega bitch! Chosen target: Westeros.

    1. Abbi

      Hahaha! Good call. I am saving him for my favourite TV psychopaths though.

  5. Great list! I love Jackie, Wilhelmina and, of course, Karen Walker, one of the best TV characters ever.

    1. Abbi

      When i grow up I want to be Karen!

  6. All great choices, Abbi. Hhmmm. Who comes to mind for me? Katie Sagal, the mom in ‘Sons of Anarchy’. She was pretty bitchy in ‘Love and Marriage’ too.

    1. Abbi

      She is a hardcore bitch!

  7. I watched that 70’s show and saw a few episodes of Will and Grace. Never watched any of other shows you listed. I thought Betty White was great playing this type of character when she was Sue Ann Nivens on the Mary Tyler Moore show.

    1. Abbi

      I’ve never seen the Mary Tyler Moore show but I will take your word for it!

  8. I kinda have a love/hate thing going with a few of your choices, hehe.

    First, those I don’t know: April, Sadie, Red, Wilhemina… I’ve never heard of these bitches :-p

    I’ve only seen a handful of episodes of 70’s Show, so that takes Jackie off my list 😉

    I’m way behind on AHS, so I’ve only seen 3 episodes with Fiona, but I have to say, I’m not on the Jessica Lange bandwagon like so many people seem to be with this show. Her leaving might be the best thing for the show right now, I think. She’s just not that good! *ducks and covers*

    Pam…oh Pam. Yes, she’s wonderful and beautiful and sarcastic as hell, and I do love her in the show… but I love her in the books so much more. She keeps all that wit, but removes all the bitchy jealousy of Sookie (and her fairy vagina). In fact, in the books, she and Sookie are best friends!

    And Cersei… yeah, you don’t get much bitchier than that. But what they don’t show all that much in the show is just how badly she screws things up. In the books you can really see how much of her head is up her pretty ass, and really, it’s all of it. She’s not nearly as smart as she thinks she is, and we can really see just how awful her plans really are. She’s finally starting to get a taste of her own medicine (in the books), and man, I’m looking forward to watching her crash and burn.

    1. Abbi

      It would be really cool to see your list! I haven’t actually read any of the Charlaine Harris novels so maybe I should check them out. As for Cersei I agree that I am looking forward to her comeuppance but she’s a complex character and there’s a fair bit of background to why she is the way she is.

  9. April is my #1 tv bitch – she always has something snarky and antisocial to say and I respect her for that.

  10. Fabulous list! I love almost everyone here especially Pam, April and Cersei. I hate when the show gives her the sympathetic moments, Cersei is at her best when she is pure evil.

    1. Abbi

      I like Cersei evil too but she’s a complex character which makes her more real. Her behaviour is still unforgivable but a little more understandable.

  11. Fun post! I definitely like Red on OITNB. I’ve also been watching Gilmore Girls lately, so Emily Gilmore (the grandma) definitely comes to mind . . .

    1. Abbi

      Emily Gilmore is an excellent choice!

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