Film Friday #203

Coyote Ugly (2000)

Violet Sanford (Piper Perabo) wants to be a songwriter so she moves to New York full of dreams. Unfortunately no one wants to listen to her stupid songs because it’s New York  and everyone thinks they’re the next big thing. So she finds herself working in bar called Coyote Ugly where girls dance on the bar, spray patrons with water, refuse to serve them the drinks they want and set fire to shit… which seems to me to be a ludicrous way to run a business. She also meets an Australian guy called, Kevin (Adam Garcia  – still cute before he botoxed his face to hell) and they hook up. He wants Violet to follow her songwriting dream but she has stage fright… except when she is dancing on the bar and singing songs that she didn’t write (?) After she bails on a gig that Kevin set up for her he slut shames her. And then her dad (John Goodman) catches her dancing on the bar and he slut shames her. But then she makes up with everyone and writes a song for LeeAnn Rhimes. This is basically Flashdance with songwriting and even less clothes. Not even worth it to see Tyra Banks gurning and shimmying in a cameo she probably wishes was buried at the bottom of a volcano. All the predictable lame. 1/5

We're EMPOWERED!

We’re EMPOWERED!

The Addams Family (1991)

Gomez (Raul Julia) and Morticia (Anjelica Huston) live a happy but strange existence with their  bizarre family in a crumbling Victorian mansion. The only thing that is missing is Gomez’s brother, Fester, who disappeared twenty-five years ago.The family’s opportunistic lawyer, Tully Alford (Dan Hedaya) decides to take advantage of this when he realises one of his existing clients, Abigail Craven’s (Elizabeth Wilson) son, Gordon (Christopher Lloyd) bears a strong resemblance to Fester. He convinces Gordon to pose as a newly returned Fester in order to figure out how to get into the family’s vault and take hold of their vast wealth. At first the Addams’ are somewhat suspicious and Gordon thinks they are demented however it’s not long before they start to bond both sides wonder if he they really have found their long lost relative.  Tully and Abigail aren’t going to give up their chance at untold riches without a fight and hi-jinks ensue. There are things to love about The Addams Family. All the characters are wonderfully bonkers and Julia and Huston have amazing chemistry as the hopelessly in love Gomez and Morticia. A then unknown Christina Ricci provides a scene stealing performance as morbid little Wednesday and the mansion looks spectacular. However in its adaptation to screen The Addams Family loses a lot of its darkness and becomes a little too kid-friendly and simplistic to really be memorable. I would have loved to seen Tim Burton’s take on this because I think he could have injected a little more of the macabre into it. Fun but flat. 2.5/5

Fester wasn't letting anyone get their hands on his vintage sideshow porn collection

Fester wasn’t letting anyone get their hands on his vintage sideshow porn collection

Nymphomaniac Vol. 1 (2013)

When Seligman (Stellan Skarsgård) finds Joe (Charlotte Gainsborough/Stacy Martin) beaten up on the side of the road he wants to call an ambulance and the police but Joe is adamant that all she wants is a cup of tea so he invites her into his home. As Seligman takes care of her Joe, attempts to convince him that she is a terrible person due to her lifetime of sexual exploits. He is fascinated and suggests that she tells him her life story as he makes connections with his own love of fly fishing. Sounds weird… and it kind of is but at the same time it’s also kind of awesome. As Joe’s tale of attempting to satisfy her seemingly endless erotic appetite unfolds it’s hard not to get sucked in, especially when she reencounters and unexpectedly falls in love with Jerome (Shia La Boeuf), the man who took her virginity. Although there is a lot of very graphic sex in this film, I can’t say that I would call it titillating since most of the depictions are very pedestrian, demonstrating that Joe’s addiction is as damaging and unromantic as any. This is particularly evident in a scene where she and her friend, B (Sophie Kennedy Clark) compete as teenagers to clock up the most number of partners during a train journey for a bag of sweets. They could just as easily have been shoplifting or taking drugs. Not to say that all of Nymphomaniac Vol. 1 is grim. There are some brilliant moments of black humour. I loved the scenes where the wife (Uma Thurman) of one of Joe’s lovers arrives at her home complete with children in tow just after her husband has left her for Joe. It was the perfect combination of hilarious and cringeworthy. When we got to the end of this half of the story I was definitely left desperate to know what happened next so stay tuned for the next installment. 4/5

B's Latin club was not quite what her mother was expecting

B’s Latin club was not quite what her mother was expecting

RocknRolla (2008)

Lenny Cole (Tom Wilkinson) is the top gang boss in London, unstoppable with his endlessly loyal right hand man, Archy (Mark Strong) at his side and a crooked counselor in his pocket. When Russian mobster/property developer, Uri Omovich (Karel Roden) wants to build a stadium that does not have planning permission, Lenny ensures him that he can make it happen… for a fee of £7m. Uri is so happy he decides to lend Lenny his lucky painting and arranges to get the funds through his accountant, Stella (Thandi Newton). What Lenny doesn’t know is that Stella likes a bit of rough and she has a particular taste for One Two (Gerard Butler), who along with his mate, Mumbles (Idris Elba) owe Lenny quite a lot of money. And Stella tips One Two and Mumbles off to the unguarded money transfer. At the same time Uri’s lucky painting goes missing and trust between him and Lenny is at an all time low. Now both sides will wheel and deal to get on top, while trying to get to the bottom of what has happened to both the money and the painting. Once again Guy Ritchie puts together a rollicking London gangster epic full of colourful characters and more twists than a weasel in a blender… and it’s as fun as ever, especially with such a strong cast, which also includes Tom Hardy as Handsome Bob (one concurs). Unfortunately Ritchie doesn’t bring anything new or innovative and if you’ve seen Lock, Stock or Snatch, you might feel a bit like you’ve already seen RocknRolla. What Ritchie does have on his side though is that he does this kind of thing better than anyone else. 3.5/5

One Two hoped the train was actually going to turn up on time for a change

One Two hoped the train was actually going to turn up on time for a change

17 Comments

  1. You’re review of Coyote Ugly was hilarious, Abbi. A perfect assessment. I wanna see Rocknrolla “more twists than a weasel in a blender”. What a ghastly, hilarious image. 😉

    1. Abbi

      Thanks! I couldn’t face giving such tat a serious review. Hope you get to see RocknRolla… with all its twists!

  2. Coyote Ugly is a guilty pleasure of mine. I’ve probably seen it fifteen or twenty times, though not in recent years. I mean, it’s nowhere near Romy and Michele–have you reviewed that? I’ll have to check–but I am still slightly embarrassed to admit how much I enjoy it.

    1. Abbi

      We all have a couple of those!

  3. Your first review made me laugh so much. Nice piece as always

    1. Abbi

      Thank-you!

  4. Jen

    I just can’t believe you’d never seen Coyote Ugly or The Addams Family before!

    1. Abbi

      I’ve seen both in the cinema when they came out but never reviewed them.

      1. Jen

        Ah ok! I thought it was impossible that you’d missed them 🙂

  5. […] Between Netflix and Amazon Prime, we’ve no shortage of movies, but I’ve pulled out the DVD books and even gotten into the VHS cabinets for Coyote Ugly–thanks, Abbi, for reminding me. […]

  6. I haven’t seen all of these, but can I just say I totally agree with your review of Coyote Ugly?! I didn’t care for that film at all, and I thought the whole story was overdone and annoying. Good review!

    1. Abbi

      Thanks! It was pretty lame, wasn’t it?

  7. I quite enjoyed Rocknrolla, primarily because of the trio of Elba, Butler & Hardy. Yum! 😉

    1. Abbi

      Oh yes! That is definitely a trio of joy!

  8. Hehe. Coyote Ugly is indeed “predictable lame”. 🙂 Only other one I’ve seen is Addam’s Family. Yeeeeaaaaars ago….

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