I love a good wedding. I might be a bit of an idealist but I think two people choosing to share their lives and promise to always be there for each other is pretty damned awesome and I always end up with a tear or twelve in my eye when I am lucky enough to attend one. Of course I also like all the drama and ceremony and the beautiful dress and the dancing, who doesn’t? My beautiful friend, Barb recently got engaged and asked me to be a bridesmaid #megaexcited. So in honour of her and her extremely lucky fiance, Albert, these are my top 10 wedding related movies. [SOME SPOILERS]
Wedding Crashers (2005)
Starring: Vince Vaughan, Owen Wilson, Rachel McAdams, Isla Fisher
Whose wedding is it?: There are many weddings
Happily ever after: Yes for some… but not for the poor guy whose wedding gets broken up
Most random guest: Technically John and Jeremy are the most random guests since they haven’t actually been invited to any of the weddings they attend.
“Jeremy Grey: John? I need to see you right away. It’s important.
John Beckwith: [Walking into Jeremy’s office] What’s going on?
Jeremy Grey: [sighs] We got three big weeks ahead of us. It’s wedding season, kid!
John Beckwith: You sandbaggin’ son of a bitch!
Jeremy Grey: I’ve got us down for 17 of them already.
John Beckwith: Okay, now how many of them have cash bars?
Jeremy Grey: Great question. I like where your head’s at and two of them actually are, but I got us covered: Purple hearts. We won’t have to pay for a drink all night.
John Beckwith: Oh, yeah. Perfect.
Jeremy Grey: We are gonna have tons and tons of opportunities to meet gorgeous ladies that get so aroused by the thought of marriage that they’ll throw their inhibitions to the wind.
John Beckwith: And who’s gonna be there to catch them?
Jeremy Grey: Grab that net and catch that beautiful butterfly, pal! What do you like better, Christmas or Wedding Season?
[Jeremy raises his hand]
John Beckwith: Mr. Grey?
Jeremy Grey: Yes. The answer would be, um, Wedding Season?
John Beckwith: Bingo! I’m gonna get my suit. Now who are we this time?“
The Wedding Singer (1998)
Starring: Adam Sandler, Drew Barrymore, Christine Taylor, Steve Buscemi
Whose wedding is it: It starts with Robbie and Linda’s wedding, moves on to Julia and Glen’s wedding and ends with Robbie and Julia’s wedding… and there are loads in between
Happily ever after: The happiest
Most random guest: This movie is all about the random guests but Steve Buscemi’s drunk best man definitely tops it
“Holly: Don’t worry, I told him why you were marrying him.
Julia: Why did you tell him I was marrying him?
Holly: Because you love him.
[pause, Julia nods]
Holly: …And because, with Glenn you’ll have security.
Julia: But that’s not why I’m marrying him.
Holly: Then why *are* you?“
The Princess Bride (1987)
Starring: Cary Elwes, Robin Wright, Mandy Patinkin
Whose wedding is it: Buttercup and the evil Prince Humperdinck
Happily ever after: Well not for Prince Humperdinck
Most random guest: Inigo Montoya, whose life’s mission it is to kill the groom
“The Impressive Clergyman: Mawage. Mawage is wot bwings us togeder tooday. Mawage, that bwessed awangment, that dweam wifin a dweam…
[cut to Westley, Inigo, and Fezzik]
The Impressive Clergyman: And wuv, tru wuv, will fowow you foweva…
[cut to the trio again]
The Impressive Clergyman: So tweasure your wuv.
Prince Humperdinck: Skip to the end.
The Impressive Clergyman: Have you the wing?
[cut to the trio once more]
The Impressive Clergyman: …and do you,Pwincess Buwwercup…
Prince Humperdinck: Man and wife. Say man and wife.
The Impressive Clergyman: Man an’ wife.“
My Big Fat Greek Wedding (2002)
Starring: Nia Vardalos, John Corbett, Michael Constantine
Whose wedding is it: Greek ugly duckling, Toula Portokalos and hunky teacher Ian Miller
Happily ever after: Once Toula’s family gets over the fact that Ian is not Greek
Most random guest: Probably Toula’s grandmother who thinks the Turkish are coming to get her any minute
“Aunt Voula: Toula. Toula! You’re engaged. You’re engaged-We never think this would happen for you. Never. *Never.* Taki, didn’t we say that…
Uncle Taki: We never think this day would come. Never.”
Muriel’s Wedding (1994)
Starring: Toni Collette, Rachel Griffiths, Bill Hunter
Whose wedding is it: Perennial singleton, Muriel and a hunky South African swimmer who needs a passport
Happily ever after?: No, but it’s definitely a good thing
Most random guest: The bitches who bullied Muriel, who she invites to be bridesmaids
“David: What kind of person marries someone they don’t know?
Muriel: You did.
David: I want to win. All my life I’ve wanted to win.
Muriel: Me too.“
Starring: Vanessa Paradis, Romain Duris, Andrew Lincoln
Whose wedding is it?: Beautiful French Juliette and her English fiance, Jonathan
Happily ever after?: Not for Juliette and Jonathan
Most random guest: Obviously Alex, who has been hired to try and break up the marriage
“Marc: [subtitled version] Mozart didn’t do an opera on an accordion.“
Corpse Bride (2005)
Voiced by: Johnny Depp, Helena Bonham Carter, Emily Watson
Whose wedding is it?: It’s complication… it should be Victor Von Dort and Victoria Everglot’s wedding but it kind of gets hijacked by the ghost of a bride left at the alter
Happily ever after?: Yes
Most random guest: The Corpse Bride, of course
“Victoria Everglot: Hildegard, what if Victor and I don’t like each other?
Maudeline Everglot: Hmpf! As if that has anything to do with marriage. Do you suppose your father and I “like” each other?
Victoria Everglot: Surely you must, a little.
Maudeline Everglot, Finnis Everglot: Of course not!“
Starring: Kristen Wiig, Maya Rudolph, Rose Byrne
Whose wedding is it?: Lillian and her long-term boyfriend… who barely appears
Happily ever after: Not really relevant to this one
Most random guest: It’s got to be bridesmaid, Megan
“Helen: I went to Thailand recently with my husband, Perry, and there’s a beautiful saying that I learned there.
Helen: It means, “You are a part of me, a part that I could never live without. And I hope and I pray that I never have to.” Khob-kun-Ka
[Bows to the crowd]
Helen: khob-kun-Ka, khob-kun-Ka. And that’s it for tonight! Thank you for coming!
Annie: [interjecting] Really quick!
Helen: Thank you all for coming. The dessert wine is out.
Annie: I just wanted to say really quick.
Helen: [calling out] Consuelo!
Annie: Really quick! Speaking of Consuelo, Lillian and I took Spanish together in school. And so, I would just like to say to you and to everyone here, “Gracias para vivar en la casa, en la escuelas, en… en la azul… “markada”. Tienes con “bibir” en las Fortuashla?” and gracias! “
American Wedding (2003)
Starring: Jason Biggs, Alyson Hannigan, Seann William Scott
Whose wedding is it?: High school sweethearts Jim and Michelle
Happily ever after?: So far, yes
Most random guest: Jim’s granny, who not only doesn’t approve of his Shiksa fiance but also has a taste for younger men
“Steve Stifler: Jim’s getting married, isn’t he? Holy fuckin’ shit! This is major! Do you have the slightest idea of how important this is? We get to have a bachelor party. Yes! We celebrate the death of Jim with a party in his honor. Chicks and boobs. Tits and ass. Titties, ta-tas, casabas, bazoongas all up in our friggin’ faces! Come on, buck up fellas. Show some enthusiasm. It’s gonna be fuckin’ great. Oh, my god!“
Conversations With Other Women (2005)
Starring: Aaron Eckhart, Helena Bonham Carter
Whose wedding is it?: An unnamed couple
Happily ever after: Maybe for the bride and groom
Most random guest: Helena Bonham Carter’s last minute bridesmaid is pretty random
“Man: What was your ex-husband like?
Woman: You know perfectly well what he was like.
Man: Mmhmm, refresh my memory.
Man: Honestly I can’t remember – the memory starts to go around forty, you know.
Woman: [sigh] He was red. He was kind of yellow – and black, and pink, and orange, and blue.
Man: What the fuck does that…
Woman: Magenta, purple, maybe a bit of maroon…
Man: Hey! What does that mean?
Woman: I don’t know! It’s what I see when I close my eyes.“