Film study… week 25

Source: Tesco DVD Rental

Paul talked me into this one on the notion that it looked pretty creepy and sometimes Nicholas Cage is awesome. This is not one of those times. First of all he’s playing an astrophysics professor so that should tell you how believable it is. Anyway Professor Nick comes across a bit of paper that seems to have predicted every major world disaster in the last fifty years… and it’s claiming the world is about to end. At the same time a bunch of freaky gold dudes are communicating with his son through his hearing aid, which the kid wears even though he’s not deaf?? So much of this film makes zero sense and its apparent creationist conclusion made me vom in my mouth a bit. Two hours of my life I will never get back!

And they will call me... FLAME BOY!

Love, Honour, Obey
Source: Borrowed from Paul’s colleague

This British star packed gangster gem out-Richie’s Richie so it seems strange to me that it was never a hit but I loved it. North London gang boss, Ray (Ray Winston) has lived in peace with South London gang boss, Sean (Sean Pertwee) for years with both sides respecting an unspoken gentleman’s agreement, but when newbie Jonny (Jonny Lee Miller) joins intent on starting a gang war the peace is broken with disastrous consequences. Funny, dark  and very clever. If you liked Snatch you need to check this out.

If you mention Sienna Millar one more time I will blow your fucking head off

Star Trek: Insurrection
Source: Film 4

What am I gonna say… I fucking love Star Trek… I’m not an unbiased critic but anyway, when Data malfunctions on a mission, Captain Picard is called in to investigate uncovering a plot to remove a group of natives from a planet that emits some fancy kind of radiation that keeps the inhabitants forever young. Worf gets zits, Picard does the mambo, Troi’s boobs firm up and Data learns to play. Brilliant!

X-Factor season 234 and Simon Cowell is still in the judge's chair

Karate Kid
Source: Tesco DVD rental

I have to point out that this remake should have been called the kung-fu kid since there is zero karate in it whatsoever but never mind. Dre (Jaden “Son of Will” Smith) moves to China when his mom is relocated for work (what kind of woman name’s her kid after Doctor Dre??) and swiftly gets on the wrong side of the local kung-fu kids who kick the shit out of him (to be fair at that point in time he was annoying me so much I wanted to bitch slap him myself). In comes Jackie Chan in the Miyagi role to teach him not only how to defend himself but also respect and focus, blah, blah… Although this was bogged down in cliché by the end of it we were reluctantly riveted and it’s impossible to deny that it’s beautifully shot and the kung-fu bits are pretty wicked.

And if you do all your push ups I will let you have this beautiful stick

1 Comment

  1. Jen

    Wait, what? A Nicholas Cage film wasted your time? Who would have thought! 😛 The purist in me is still against the Karate Kid on principle. I am so lame.

abbiosbiston is listening...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.