Film study… week 2

I’ve made some advances in my film watching on my hard drive. So here’s this week’s round-up.

Japanese anime from the late 80’s. For most of this film I had no idea what was going on. Something about biker gangs in the futuristic Neo-Tokyo and experiments on children that gave them weird powers, all relating back to demi-god Akira who was destroyed because he couldn’t control his own powers… or something. It was awesome though. Visually amazing even if it made virtually no sense.

Kaneda to the rescue!

Kaneda to the rescue!

Shichinin No Samurai
Under A because it was under the director, Akira Kurosawa’s name, this is my first true gem. This 1954, black and white Japanese classic has everything… action, romance, grief, passion and a gripping storyline that kept me glued for all three hours. It follows the story of a village attacked by bandits during the Japanese civil war. Desperate to save their crops, they hire seven samurai to defend the village… each with their own agenda.

When I grow up I want to be a samurai

When I grow up I want to be a samurai

And then it all went wrong with this total turkey. Supposedly based on the legend of Alexander The Great and his quest to conquer Europe, I’ve never been so bored in my life. First of all the accents were horrific. I have no idea what accent Angelina Jolie (as Olympias, Alex’s scheming mother) was going for but it flopped. I also didn’t know that most of the Macedonians in 400 BC were actually Irish. I can understand why Colin Farrell (as Alexander) might have been unable to shake off his brogue but I’m not sure why American Jared Leto (as Hephastion) felt the need to copy it. For all the supposed homoerotic undertones, in every scene where Alexander and Hephastion were staring lovingly into each other’s eyes, Colin and Jared looked like they were about to piss themselves laughing. Glad they were in on what a pile of poo this was.

I know I have a strange accent and I look exactly the same age as you, but trust me, Alex, I am your mother. Now eat your peas!

I know I have a strange accent and I look exactly the same age as you, but trust me, Alex, I am your mother. Now eat your peas!

At least Alexander was funny (even though it wasn’t supposed to be). The remake of 1964 classic, Alfie is on the list of the most depressing films I’ve ever seen. Alfie (Jude Law) is a horrifically shallow British limo driver, charming and shagging his way through Manhattan with little care for the women he seduces past what he can get out of them until inevitably it all comes back to bite him in the ass. I think you’re supposed to feel sorry for him but the thing is this film is absolutely charmless and if you’ve ever been played, painful to watch. I felt no connection to any of the characters and even if Alfie had gone up in a ball of flame in the end, I still wouldn’t have been satisfied. Hideous.

Everubody! Come and see how smug I look!

Everybody! Come and see how smug I look!


  1. Jen

    I love that you’re doing this. I can make notes on what I need to watch, and reaffirm that I have no interest in other movies (such as Alfie). Have you ever seen the video for ‘Sunsets’ by Powderfinger? When you first told me about the samurai film, it made me think of it. Not sure why…probably cause it has a sort of samurai in it o_o. Anyway, no point. As usual.

  2. I recently reviewed Akira and Seven Samurai for my Blind Spot series and loved both of them. Nice brief reviews.

    1. abbiosbiston

      My reviews have gotten a little longer since then with some more experience but I think getting to the point quickly lets me get through loads more reviews! Lol! Glad you enjoyed them.

      1. Haha I noticed a similar trend with my blogging too!

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